Thursday, August 24, 2006

Orcish Grenadier

Many years ago, I was involved in a Rolemaster RPG and had one of my favorite characters killed when I couldn't attend a gaming session. Borg the Sledgehammer, a big, dumb hammer-swinging brute made interesting by the fact that he resisted magic at three times his level, was suspicious of magic and magic users and was in a party made almost entirely of spell casters. Everyone went to great lengths to conceal their magic use and be friends with Borg. Once Borg was killed, I wanted to come up with an equally interesting and unique character and I hit upon the idea of an Orc Grenadier. Unfortunately, the Gamemaster wouldn't allow it for practical reasons. Simply put, the society of the world would not tolerate an orc walking into town.

Well, now it looks like I have a chance to revive the character concept. A friend of mine is starting up a game set in a fantasy 17th Century. Originally, he was going to run using the 7th Sea game, a fantasy pseudo-Europe. But he wanted Native Americans for some reason, so he's added Northern Crown, a fantasy Colonial America using the D20 system. He also threw in Dungeons & Dragons 3rd edition to have fantasy races like elves and dwarves.

So, now I have an opportunity to have an Orc Grenadier. And the concept I am working with is based on the Jagermonsters of the Girl Genius comic series by Phil and Kaja Foglio. Girl Genius is a gaslamp fantasy 19th Century with mad scientists and the Jagermonsters are some sort of hybridized soldiers that are very strong, very tough and typically used for comedy relief. Read the webcomic and you'll get the idea.

Once I had the character concept, I need to flesh it out a little bit. Germany at the time was still fractured after the Thirty Years War so my character would be an unemployed German mercenary looking for adventure. In a fantasy Europe with Orcs, I would imagine them being from the mountains and that, of course, must be Bavaria. That lead to a skill bonus in brewing.

He needed a name. I tried a few first names and settled on Kurt. For a last name, I was looking at several combinations with Sturm because it sounds cool. The GM had made a joke about the skill bonus also applying to baking bread and thus making pumpernickel bread, noted for its flatulence producing properties. With a little help from BabelFish, that leads me to consider the family name Sturmblähung.

I rolled very well on the social standing table, and thus earned myself gentry rank. If he were English, he could put an esquire after his name. The German Junker (young lord or country squire) have the right to put a von or zu in their names. Kurt von Sturmblähung.

I am searching for illustrations of German military uniforms of the mid- to late-17th Century so I can get Kurt's look just right. Perhaps I'll make it part of his character to be in search of the perfect hat.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

CryPod

I'd been thinking of getting myself an iPod and a friend of mine sold me hers on Saturday.

Problem #1: Going to Apple's website, the iTunes software was only available for Win2000 and XP and I'm still running Win98 on my home PC. So, a search of the internet found an application called XPlay that will work on Win98.

Problem #2: Xplay software has a one week trial download but if you want the full version it'll cost you $30. A search of Bittorrent found a pirated version with the crack.

Problem #3: Installing it on my PC seemed to work but then I realized that I had forgotten to turn on my external USB drive. When I turned that on I received the Blue Screen of Death (tm) and crashed my system. This external drive had caused me problems when I bought it but I had been able to work through them. But now turning on the drive with the iPod plugged in threw fatal exception errors. Plugging in the iPod after the drive was turned on threw fatal exception errors. I uninstalled drivers, reinstalled drivers but could not resolve the problem after several hours and a score of reboots. The alternative was to install the iPod on my laptop and then pull the music into it through the household network. Not an ideal solution as it would be extremely slow but I don't have so much music and I'm not adding to the collection fast enough for it to be a regular hindrance.

Problem #4: My laptop couldn't find the drivers. On my desktop, it found them just fine but for some unknown reason, the laptop couldn't get them off of the same Win98 CD.

Problem #5: Apple doesn't have drivers available for Win98. Another search of the Internet found a site that had them be wouldn't let you download them unless you paid a "donation" of $5. Somehow I think that if you must pay then it's no longer a donation. Continued searching found another location that had the drivers for free. They installed and now the iPod appears as a drive in the My Computer folder.

Problem #6: The XPlay software said that the version of software wasn't compatible with the iPod. OK. I had an update in the folder I downloaded but after installing that I still had the same issue. Windows Explorer could see the iPod folders and files but I couldn't navigate to the Music folder. Ahhhh. The problem was that my iPod was configured for Mac. So it was back to Apple to download iPod Updater to re-format the iPod for PC.

Problem #7: iPod Updater didn't recognize that there was an iPod connected to the system even though it shows as a navigable drive in the My Computer folder. On top of that, making the attempt with Updater was freezing my machine. To run Updater, I installed it on my daughter's WinXP machine. That installation went OK and the Updater restored the iPod.

Problem #8: After the update, the system screen said to plug in using a wall outlet so the iPod could reflash the memory. Except that I didn't have an AC adapter for the iPod. But, I knew a coworker was sure to have one. It'd be an easy matter to ask him to borrow his for a few minutes.

Problem #9: He didn't have the AC adapter with him on Monday so he agreed to bring it on Tuesday. No big deal. But he called off of work on Tuesday so I had to wait until Wednesday. Sure enough, it took only a minute for the iPod memory to flash and it looked like I was back in business.

Problem #10: I plugged the iPod into the laptop once I got home and Xplay recognized it. I started up the external drive on the desktop machine, shared the drive and started downloading. Except that after a few minutes the drive wasn't responding and the download crashed. I've noticed before that the external drive will hesitate, sometimes for minutes at a time, when I am copying large volumes of files. For the desktop, it's just a pause but for Xplay the pause is too long and the connection fails. I was forced to copy things in smaller increments. One folder at a time.

Whew! Finally, after four days I have it working.

Burn Rate

Heading back to my cubicle after filling my 52oz mug full of ice water, I ran into a coworker in the hall.

"Let me ask you something," I said. "I'm in my cube all the time so I don't see much of what's going out on the floor. I look out there and see a lot of empty seats. What happened to that troop of people they hired mid-July?"

He told me half of them had quit because they finally learned that there was no chance of promotions, salary increases or benefits. Most of those that had been hired in the group before that had also left. This is, of course, just the thing I had warned management about over a year ago when they were talking about changing the training regimen. "Hire people on the cheap and don't properly train them and they will jump ship at the first opportunity." They dropped me as trainer, went ahead with their scheme and got exactly what they paid for. So, they've hired yet another batch of people that I see training out on the floor. I wonder how long it is before they realize they've been duped and punch out.


There was an application update that went bad for the financial services group so our morning was filled with people calling. We spent half an hour opening tickets for groups of people before there was a master ticket chosen. We then spent another hour telling callers that it was a known issue that support working on before support came back saying they had resolved the issue and users need to re-login.

About an hour after that we received an email from the team rolling out the update saying that they were going to be rolling out said update and there could be some calls. This was several hours after the update had already rolled out and failed.

Come on, people, do you think you could tell us this BEFORE it happens?


And finally, the official directive is that for the Tuesday and Wednesday after Labor Day everyone is to start an hour earlier, meaning I will need to start at 6:30. And I'll have to work until my normal time so I'll be getting two hours of overtime that week (in addition to Holiday pay). Now, we always have an increased call volume the day after holiday weekends because people can't seem to remember their passwords after three days off but the calls never start to pick up until about 8:00. Why the hell do they want me in at 6:30? Well, it's because they are short staffed because the new hires are quitting. That, or they are desperate to come up with a solution other than actually hiring the appropriate number of people, training them properly and scheduling them at the times they would be needed.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Read banned comics.

The Web Fascists at The Bank have been busy this weekend, adding nearly two score of the webcomics that I read regularly to their banned list.

Narbonic
Wapsi Square
Ubersoft
Candi
Sore Thumbs
Zortic
Carzorthade
God Mode
Mystic Revolution
Todd and Penguin
Earthsong
TwoKinds
Abby's Agency
The B-Movie Comic
Comedity
Spare Parts
Suburban Jungle
No Room for Magic
Courting Disaster
Seraphic
Yuusha Hime Kalibourne

They've also blocked the NANACA†CRASH!! flash game

I still cannot understand the process that leads them to delete these websites while allowing forty others on my regular read list to remain.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Impersonal greetings.

Geis: Help Desk, this is Geis. Can I have your login ID, please?
User: *******
Geis. Is this ********.
User: Yes, How are you doing today?
Geis. I've been sick.
User. Good. Here's my problem . . . .

This user wasn't being uncaring on purpose. She was responding to the Pavlovian conditioned call/response of empty greetings. People have become so used to hearing someone respond "OK" or "Fine" to the question of how they are doing that they don't even pay attention to what the answer actually is. In some cases, I've heard people greet each other in the hall or on the elevator, each asking how the other is doing and neither actually giving a answer. "How're you doing" has replaced "Hi" and "Hello" and carries so little meaning that it's no longer actually a question. But, that's OK because the person doesn't care about your answer anyway.

Of course, I'm still running behind the impersonal curve by actually answering people when they ask how I'm doing. And, on top of that, actually answering honestly.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Workin' on the chain, gang.

For years, whenever I had problems with my chain, whether it started
slipping or became corroded, I would take it to a bike shop only to be told that I should change the freewheel as well. They said that both the chain and freewheel would wear out and if I just changed the chain then it wouldn't work right on the now worn freewheel.

I didn't fully believe that. Back when I was going to school, I owned a Schwinn Sierra that I would commute with from Forest Hills to Oakland every day. Seven miles each way. 3,000 miles a year. I would overhaul the bike each spring, repacking the bearings, changing cables as necessary and changing the chain. In the 13 years I rode that bike, I don't recall changing the freewheel more than once or twice. Putting on a new chain would slip for a day or two but then settle in and provide thousands of miles of solid performance.

So, once I got a new bike I started running into more problems. If the chain got rusty or started to slip I would take it to the shop and have the techs again say to change both the chain and the freewheel. I would change the chain only and it would work fine for one change. After that, changing the chain wouldn't be good enough, the chain would slip and I'd be going back to get the freewheel changed. I was going through 3 or 4 chains a year and a two freewheels.

So I asked, "How often should I change the chain?"

"300 miles."

What? An inexpensive chain costs $8. A freewheel will cost $30. That's as much as a full tank of gas and I'll get 300 miles out of that. You mean to tell me that I have to regularly spend as much on hardware for my bike as I do getting gas for my car? Madness.

Well, the last time I had my bike repaired, it was at Iron City Bikes in Oakland. The tech there explained chain wear to me, unlike the other guys at the more high-end shops who just told me I needed to change both chain and freewheel. The chain wears, of course, and that will wear the freewheel but not at the same rate. If you go too long without changing the chain, the freewheel will wear more to the point where the worn freewheel will wear the chain faster than normal. If you change the chain properly, the freewheel won't show significant wear and won't need to be changed with the chain.

"OK. So, again, how often should I change the chain?"

He didn't know. Too many variables, I suppose. But he had a chain tool that would measure how much wear was on the chain. When it reached a certain point, that was when to change the chain.

Now, one would think, what with the chain being the part of the bike that requires the most maintenance and needs replacing most often, that the bike catalogs would have the appropriate chain tool on their front page. But you'd be wrong. I regularly receive Performance Bicycle and Nashbar catalogs in the mail and neither one had either the simple Park Tool CC-3 Chain Wear Indicator or the more elaborate Park Tool CC-2 Chain Checker. One could find the wear indicator in tool sets but never individually. Nor could I find any on the shelves at any of the upscale bike shops in the area.It's like there is a grand conspiracy to keep these simple and most likely to be used tools away from your average consumer. This forces them to go to bike shops and over-pay for maintenance and fund the shop owner's $5000 composite frame bikes.

It's been 18 weeks since I had the chain replaced and a new freewheel installed with about 1200 miles in the meantime. My new chain tool ordered online indicates that my chain wear was at just about the 1% wear mark; the point recommended for the changing of the chain. It's so simple. Walk in, buy a new chain and I'm good to go for another 1,200 miles.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Unwanted resident.

I've been noticing this past week that my mouse has developed a skip and jump. Now, I have worked at tech support long enough to know that the vast majority of the time when someone calls and says they need a new mouse, they just need to clean it properly. Turn the disk. Remove the ball and look inside at the three rollers; one that looks like a wheel the other two like little rods. Flakes of skin and dirt have been picked up by the ball to deposit a ring of waxy gunk around the rollers. Reach in with a fingernail and scrape that crud off and, nine times out of ten the problem will be solved.

Except that I have an optical mouse.

So, after a week of noticing this and just discounting it because that kind of thing doesn't happen to an optical mouse, I finally picked it up and looked.

In the depression housing the LED, a tiny spider had taken up residence and its gossamer web had been disrupting mouse performance.

My basement is like "Kingdom of the Spiders". They are everywhere. Not that it's a bad thing because there are seldom other kinds of insects to be found. I just didn't expect one to take up residence inside my mouse.

Sorry, pal. This is your eviction notice.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Be unafraid. Be very unafraid.

The recent issue of National Geographic had a one-page display of the odd of dying of various causes:

1 in 5 Heart disease
1 in 7 Cancer
1 in 24 Stroke
1 in 84 Motor Vehicle Accident
1 in 119 Suicide
1 in 218 Falling
1 in 314 Firearm assault
1 in 626 Pedestrian accident
1 in 1,008 Drowning
1 in 1,020 Motorcycle accident
1 in 1,113 Fire or smoke inhalation
1 in 4,919 Bicycling accident
1 in 5,051 Air/space accident
1 in 5,134 Accidental firearm discharge
1 in 9,968 Accidental electrocution
1 in 10,048 Alcohol poisoning
1 in 13,729 Hot weather
1 in 56,789 Hornet, wasp or bee sting
1 in 62,468 Legal execution
1 in 79,746 Lightning
1 in 117,127 Earthquake
1 in 144,156 Flood
1 in 340,733 Fireworks discharge

(these are numbers for US residents)

With all the hoopla over terrorism that's been going on, I was curious how concerned I should actually be about bombings, poison gas, snipers and the like. I found a Cato Institute article in Regulation Magazine that, while it didn't give the actual odds, stated the risk this way:

"Even with the September 11 attacks included in the count, the number of Americans killed by international terrorism since the late 1960s (when the State Department began counting) is about the same as the number of people killed by lightning, accident-causing deer or severe allergic reactions to peanuts."

Look at the numbers. Americans are more likely to be executed by their own government than they are to be killed by some foreign extremist. So, who are the terrorists here? And when our leaders stand at the podium and ask us to give up our constitutional rights, who should we be afraid of?

The answer is that we should fear our own government because they seem to be utilizing our un-substantiated fears to erode our rights and secure more power for themselves.

Gen. Richard Myers, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, was telling a television audience that if terrorists were able to engineer a catastrophic event that killed 10,000 people, they would successfully "do away with our way of life."

The National Institute of Health says that 280,000 people a year die of complication caused by obesity. That doesn't seem to be doing away with our way of life.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Crossing a petroleum threshold

Today was the first time that I had to purchase gasoline for over the dreaded $3 a gallon. Three-quarters of a tank cost me $30.

Now, I'd like to gloat that by riding my bike I'm saving a couple of bucks a week. At least, that's what The Gas Saving Calculator suggests. But I still do a significant amount of other driving and until my daughter owns a car of my own she still drives it from time to time. It doesn't take long for that to absorb any financial savings I might accrue from biking. But I get much more benefit than just the money. The exercise helps to counter the detrimental effects of my sedentary workplace and metatarian diet. When I don't ride, I notice it physically.

I'd like to ride further for my commute but doing that would require riding more on the roads and, in Pittsburgh, that isn't much fun. If the trail groups could come to an agreement with Sandcastle, using the South Side Trail into Homestead could safely add 50% to my daily commute.

Is it weird to think favorably about making one's commute LONGER? Not if your riding a bicycle.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Last night, I slept upside-down in the bed so that my head and torso would be in the direct path of the breeze created by the window fan. When I started out in the morning it was a foggy 74 degrees. Then, at the end of the workday I stepped out of the climate-controlled office building into the downtown 94 degree inferno for a 7 mile bike ride on city streets and blacktop. Add the humidity and it feels over 100. Home again, I tried to avoid going upstairs because I knew it would be hot but I wanted to change out of my bike shorts. My bedroom temperature was 89 degrees. I've taken to turning the computer off to keep it from overheating because even the basement is hot. It's the kind of long-term, oppressive heat that makes me wish for snow. Of course, I say that remembering not that many months ago when it was bitterly cold and I was wishing for global warming. Oh, the irony.

More of the same tomorrow but forecasters predict temperatures will
moderate later in the week.High Temperatures, 1 August 2006

Friday, July 28, 2006

Another reason I hate cars.

My daughter borrowed my car last night to spend some time with her friends (not an unusual occurrence). On the way back, an animal run out in front of her, she swerved to avoid it and struck a bank of mailboxes. She was really upset about it but I couldn't be that angry with her. While I would prefer that, in those situations she brake more and swerve less, I've list control of my vehicle and taken out a mailbox before myself. It happens.

No, what upset her most, and me as well, was the sheer amount of damage done to the car. The front quarter panel was seriously caved in. The passenger side rear-view mirror was torn off completely and a number of scrapes spread across both doors.Many, many years ago, we were involved in an accident while driving my Grandfather's 1979 Bonneville. We hit the other car which had spun out in front of us on snow-slicked roads. We were going at perhaps around 30 mph, hit the other vehicle full on and had only minor damage. A bent bumper and some fender dents that could be bent out without much trouble. The car was a ton and a half of American steel.

Today's cars are built much like my bicycle helmet, designed to completely disintegrate in an impact so that all the kinetic energy of an accident goes into destroying the car and not into the passengers. But the downside of that is in very minor accidents, the damage instantly racks up a very high repair cost . My wife's car was rear-ended a few weeks ago. She had to point out the damage to me because I couldn't see it and that repair cost nearly $1000 dollars. For me, it could easily cost several times that. Certainly more than I still own in payments on it.

The car hit a mailbox, for crying out loud! A PLASTIC mailbox. OK, it was actually several plastic mailboxes, but still, the ratio of threat to damage is way over balanced.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Reinventing the wheel

It was the middle of a thunderstorm when my shift ended so I loitered in the office. I was talking to K*** about a remote access call that she had been troubleshooting when D**** came and laid a piece of paper on her desk. (Interrupting our work-relevant conversation, but that never stopped him before.) The paper had a list of systems for which users might call for passwords and K*** was tasked with searching the Help Desk Reference Manual and writing down the links to get to the documents that described the procedure for changing those passwords.

It was presented as a project but, once D**** walked away, I identified it for what it was: a test. "He knows all these documents. He just wants to test to see if you know these documents."

"Well that's stupid. I have that all listed here," she said, indicating a paper pined up in her cubicle.

Years ago, I created a "cheat sheet" with a list of password procedures. It wasn't detailed but it was a simple two pages with a short procedure or a phone number or a reference to a lengthy procedure that could be found in the Reference Manual. I had gone over all these in training so this would be a quick reminder of the procedure. That document (as with most of the streamlined documentation I wrote), was edited by someone else. There was plenty of cross-referencing and it grew to a less-useful six pages in length. The document K**** was referencing was yet a third version written by parties unknown. And now, D**** is creating even a fourth version of the same sort of thing because, Surprise! Surprise! Because there is no longer a formalized training program with classroom instruction, people aren't learning how to do the password changes. They are just being told to go to the Reference Manual and fend for themselves.

But, the Reference Manual isn't a training document and is not suited to that task. In all honesty, it's barely suited to be a reference manual.

I damn well better not find one of those quizzes on my desk when I go in tomorrow.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Blocking the way.

On the way back to my car after work, I found this Mazda 3 pretty much blocking the end of the trail in Panther Hollow.PA license DNH-5038First off, there was the sign a few hundred feet back that said that this was a private driveway and there was no parking. Next, it was a closed gate, which should give someone a clue that maybe they shouldn't park there. Third, it's a bike trail so there are going to be plenty of bicycles going by. Why park almost directly in the way of where the traffic is going to be moving when, if you still want to be a moron, you can park a yard or two to the left and ant least keep your pretty car away from the potential for dings and scratches?

All that being said, some offended cyclist had left a huge spitwad on the passenger window to show his displeasure. This sort of behavior only compounds the situation. The parking pinhead will feel justified in causing trouble for "those damn cyclists."

So, I choose the tack that I used with Codename P, documentation. Maybe next time I'll call the police to have them issue a parking citation.

Disproportionate labor

A very busy day for me at the help desk. One call after another for a total of 97 calls. The entire Help Desk, 31 analysts, took 1,000 calls which works out to me doing nearly 10% of the work for being 3% of the staff. I'm doing the work of three analysts. Well, since two of the team leads each took one call and one actually took two calls, I know which three I'm doing the work of.

It's been three weeks since the new analysts started and I have yet to see any reduction in the workload. Had I still been training the way I think training should be done, they would be working and pulling their weight by now. Instead, I'm working my ass off and getting nothing for it.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager



First, this is hysterical. Second, it reminds be of D****, team lead at the Help Desk, petty tyrant and my arch-nemesis.

With things so busy at the Help Desk recently, the seven minute guidelines have gotten even shorter. Now, if you cannot resolve the callers issue in FOUR minutes, they want you to write a ticket and end the call. You can barely find out what the problem is in four minutes, let alone implement a solution. If rebooting the PC is one of the troubleshooting steps then that will take those four minutes right up.

D**** has been IM-ing me regularly about wrapping up my calls and I have simply been ignoring him.

"You have failed me for the last time."

"That's what you said last time."

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Not better the second time around.

Last night, I was cruising through the postings on Pittsburgh Bloggers and decided to make comment on one of them. You can read the blog at Michael P. O'Connor site but what was said and my response are not important to this particular blog. No, this is about the creative process.

After writing my comment and submitting, it was rejected because Mike had added a filter to his blog to combat SPAM. One of the words I had used in the posting was on that restriction list and was rejected. I tried the back button to re-edit my posting but my text was gone. Lost to the aether.

An hour later, after driving my wife to pick up her car at the shop, I returned to my computer and attempted to recreate my posting with some simple editing to get the posting past the censor. It was futile. Sure, I made many of the same points as my original attempt but the muse was gone. I don't think my second attempt was half as good as the first one.

For me, writing is easy. Sort of. When I get an idea in my head and start writing, if flows out of me. It's like an extemporaneous speech that takes on a life of its own. It's usually my best work and I do very little substantive editing. But, if I have to come back to something, if I am interrupted or delayed or think too much about it, the result isn't quite as good. And that happens often. I ride my bike and compose essays in my head. I can't write them down so that first draft, the best stuff, is often lost. I've tried some techniques to keep from loosing that spark but they ultimately don't work.

Sometimes, I go over things repeatedly in the hopes of keeping the best elements fresh in my mind until I can get somewhere to write them down. The blog you are reading now started last night as I lay awake in bed thinking about having lost the initial post. I went through two additional drafts on my bike ride into work and another on the way home. For all that repetition, I may have captured some of what I really should have posted last night when I first thought of it.

It was suggested to me to use a tape recorder so that I could record my compositions immediately but it didn't work. As soon as I pressed the button to record, my mind emptied. Perhaps if I had a voice activated recorder that was always attached, like those people with Bluetooth cell phone headsets, I could just raise the volume of my talking to myself and capture it. Of course, I hate hearing myself on tape so I'd have to feed it into a voice recognition and transcription software.

What I really need is some magical device that will record my internal monologue for later editing and compilation. It'd be like those little yellow boxes that appear in the corners of comic book frames.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Who was that masked man?

I normally park my bike at the end of the Eliza Furnace Trail where it meets Grant Street because I prefer not to ride on busy downtown streets. That's going to change for a while as the sidewalk is closed across from PNC's Firstside Center and they tear it up to build a park on the site of the former Public Safety Building.

As I pulled in front of my office building to lock up at one of the newer Bike-Pgh racks that have gone up all over town, I see a raccoon on the sidewalk, pacing back and forth trying to find some way out of town. I guess he'd came downtown looking to raid the garbage can buffet and found himself kind of trapped as the humans returned. A few of those humans, security guards from my office building, were watching his antics.

Just after I finished bolting my bike, the raccoon started coming right towards me. My thought was to kick my foot at him (while not actually kicking him) and turn him back so he didn't run out into the street but he went right by me, climbed up the spokes of my front tire and then went right up the tree next to the bike rack. Well, that was as safe as anything for now.

The show was over so the guards went back inside to the air conditioned comfort of the lobby. (At 6:15 this morning, downtown had already reached 77 degrees.) When I went in and up to the security desk, I asked, "Is anyone going to call Animal Control to come and take him where he ought to be?"

"I don't even know who we would call," the guard said.

"Ahhh, you call Animal Control."

Sunday, July 16, 2006

You can't handle the truth.

Walking from the air-conditioned theater into the 90+ degree heat outside was an interesting epilogue to Al Gore's eco-disaster film "An Inconvenient Truth." I've tried to compose a coherent essay on the film but it just wouldn't come together so instead I have a list of random points and comments:

Where was this guy during the campaign of 2000? The Al Gore then was
serious but wooden but this Al Gore is animated, witty, passionate. If this was the guy running for president then, it wouldn't have been a split decision that went to the courts (and the world would be a better place for it). He starts off the movie with “Hello, I’m Al Gore and I used to be the next President of the United States.”

Al Gore. Emperor of the MoonAnd speaking of animated, the "Futurama" crossover movie trailer is a lot of fun. And the sedeprecatinging humor of Al Gore's appearance in one of the episode shows how he has matured. He even uses a "Futurama" clip in his movie. Of course, it all makes a lot more sense when you find out that his daughter is a writer for "Futurama."

I give a lot of credit to the official movie website. The link for reviews does not take you to a page of filtered or hand-picked favorable reviews. Instead, it takes you to Rotten Tomatoes where the reviews are what they are. And that happens to be currently rated at 92% favorable.

Our Fearless Leader (and I mean that in the most derogatory manner
possible) was asked whether he would see "An Inconvenient Truth." He said that he wouldn't. On the other hand, Bush did read Michael Crichton's novel "State of Fear" in which global warming is portrayed as a political hoax. He reportedly loved that book and brought Crichton to the White House to talk at length about it. Apparently, Dubbya is basing his environmental policies on the work of a novelist. No, that's not true. Dubbya has come to a conclusion without any scientific input whatsoever and then promotes those viewpoints (like Crichton's) that already match his own. Leadership unhindered by the thought process.

There are only 475 days until Dubbya is no longer the President.

See this movie. Save the world.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

A heck of a picnic.

I was going to be going to an atlatl competition at Flint Ridge, Ohio. Since it was a three hour drive and with gas prices what they are, I wanted to maximize my day so, in addition to the event, I was also going to ride some bicycle trails I hadn't even been on before. I got up at 5:00am to get going.

At some point heading west on Route 70, I saw a wheel disconnect from a dump truck behind me. I always marvel at the huge numbers of truck wheels and tire fragments I find strewn across American highways. Don't the people driving them pay any attention at all to the condition of their vehicles? I can't imaging that these things just sponateously happen without any sort of warning. I had a flat once and changed the tire of my car. Almost immediately after moving again, I noticed an odd sound and slight shimmy, pulling over to discover that two of the bolts weren't tight enough. That was just two loose bolts. How much mist one drive, ignoring all the signs, to have a whole wheel fall off?

I first rode the 4 mile Blackhand Gorge Trail. Then, went a little further north to ride the Thomas J. Evans Trail (or at least the eastern section of it).

There is along this trail, well, the picture sort of speaks for itself:That is the largest picnic basket I have ever seen. Actually, it's not an actual basket. It is the 7-storey corporate offices of the Longaberger Basket Company. At this scale, picnickers would be over 900 feet tall. The ants would be 3 feet long.

After riding for a number of hours, it was starting to get really hot and humid so, before going back south to Flint Ridge, I drove up Route 16 to find a Wendy's I had seen from the trail. It was attached to a gas station and as I pulled in I saw that regular gas was at $2.879 a gallon. It had been $2.899 when I filled my tank in Pittsburgh so I though I might fill top off the tank for the trip home. But by the time I had obtained by chicken nugget combo with an extra large lemonade, I came out to find the price had jumped to $2.999 a gallon. A 12 cent jump in as many minutes.

My afternoon at Flint Ridge was extremely hot so I would throw a round of darts and then escape to the relative cool of the pavilion. I dined over-throw and tire myself out, nor did I over-think my rounds so I was able to put in my best personal score of 78.

There's another competition next weekend in Saegertown. I didn't remember it being on my calendar, I think because there is something else there that I have planned. I'll have to take another look at that.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Like Water under a Troubled Bridge

PennDOT sponsored a public meeting to go over the plans for the renovations of Route 28 between the Heinz plant and the 40th Street Bridge. Specifically the realignment to the highway and railroad tracks at the 31st Street Bridge.

The plan presented at a meeting earlier this year, called Alternative 7, would turn the intersection at the 31st Street Bridge into an interchange, allowing traffic to keep flowing without having to stop at a light. The space required for the added ramps would push the railroad tracks over. In addition, Norfolk-Southern wants extra space should they want to add a third track in the future. This would push the maintenance road still closer to the river. Now, the maintenance road is currently the only connection between the North Shore Trail and the Millvale Trail. It's trespassing for cyclists to use it but Norfolk-Southern hasn't been paying attention and there have been plans to build an official trail connection. Except that the realignment would push that into the river.At the meeting, located at the DCNR office on Washington's Landing (Herr's Island), just across from the affected area, PennDOT announced that they went back to their engineers to look at another solution. What they came up with was building a retaining walls so that the 10-12 foot wide trail would be 8-10 feet or so below the maintenance road grade and above the river with another retaining wall and a fence. The bad news was that PennDOT would not be able to roll the $1.5-$2 million cost of the trail into the $92 million budget for the project. It would be someone else's responsibility to come up with that funding.

To the three of us representing the bicycling community, this was all pretty good news. We could have the trail connector we've been wanting all along (rather than trespassing on railroad maintenance roads) and $2 million dollars is within the realm of possibility. The bids for the refurbishing of the Hot Metal Bridge had come in $2 million over budget and a Federal transportation improvement fund somethingorother was able to come up with that so the project could move ahead. With that out of the way, the backchannel connector could easily move up in the funding queue.

The rest of the audience didn't see it that way. You see, they were all residents of Washington's Landing and they had issues well beyond the trail. Because the access road was railroad property and Norfolk-Southern had been unwilling to actually give away or sell the property, Millvale has been looking at other ways to connect their trail to points south. One plan was to use an abandoned railroad bridge at the upstream end of Washington's Landing to take the trail over the backchannel to connect back to the mainland at the already existing bridge at the south end. CSX owns that bridge and even though they aren't using it, they don't want to give it up. They offered to sell it for some exorbitant price for which Millvale could build their own bridge.

Islanders were irate that they hadn't been consulted on this bridge. Some even said that this was the first they had heard about it (even though I had heard about it back in February and Millvale had been working on the plan for a number of years.) One of the first people to voice their opposition asked if a lawsuit brought against PennDOT stopping the project would be enough to "crush" this bridge. The way they see it is that the bridge project is further along. Millvale is looking to start construction next year while PennDOT won't even finalize their design for three years. If this bridge gets built, then when construction finally begins on shore, all the pedestrian and bicycle traffic is going to be redirected onto their island. And once there is that connection to points south, no-one's going to want to spend another $2 million building another connection on the mainland, leaving them stuck with all these undesirables encroaching on their yuppie paradise.

I wanted to stand up and say: "Your island sucks . . . for bicycling. I would trespass on the railroad maintenance road, the way people have been doing for years, before I'd ride on your crappy, narrow paths. It would take about a week for someone with a pair of wire cutters to cut through a chain link fence to provide a throughway."

One of Millvale's interests was to provide access to the amenities on the island; a restaurant and marina, while giving the islanders access to mainland amenities like the rower's club. The Islander's response was to say they only have one little restaurant, not worth building a bridge to.

They also ranted about the plan in general. Realigning the railroad tracks is going to move them 50 feet closer to their island and they wanted to see the studies that indicated that the increase in noise was going to be negligible. The studies they cited (apparently pulled out of their asses and based solely on their own personal opinion) said that it would increase the noise in "their back yard". They complained about the increased traffic. They complained about not being involved. They complained about not knowing what was going on.

Bullshit. I knew about the plans back in February. The project proposal is available online. The general outline was covered on television, radio and in newspapers. They have no excuse to be surprised.

One of the Islanders said, "We open our arms to everyone." That's a lie. All the time I was there, I felt like I was an uninvited interloper. I was not looked at as a potential ally in getting the trail built, I was one of those cyclists who were going to be cutting through their community on my way elsewhere. And every time they talked about the bridge, or Millvale or the trail users, it was always in the form of Us vs. Them.

Being one of Them, I saw no open arms.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Help on the way

The so-called "help on the way" from last week has apparently arrived in the form of at least four new faces at the Help Desk. Since I have been toiling away in my own little 48 square foot solitary confinement gulag, I hadn't noticed their arrival on the floor earlier this week. I recall that when I was still the Help Desk trainer, the first day would involve taking all the new analysts around the cubicles to meet their coworkers. I guess they don't do that anymore.

What's the point? Of the people that they hired in the past six months (without employing my services as trainer) only about a quarter of them are still around. Not a very good burn rate. But, I had warned them explicitly about that. Treat these people like crap, don't give them the tools they need to do the job, and they will be gone faster than it took to bring them in.

I wonder how long this batch will last.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Surf Nazis Must Die

The guardians of productivity and deniers of information at The Bank have blocked my personal website. What I find astonishing is that the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins sport team websites, surely responsible for more wasted time bank-wide than my little website could every hope for, are still readily available. As are a number flash game sites.

So, what methodology do the Internet Nazis use to determine which sites are not business related and are slated for blockage? Why do the handful of webcomics and my own innocuous website get blocked when other more egregious offenders are not? Well, in the case of the sport sites, I suspect that executive staff have something to do with it.

Years ago, Instant Messenger (IM) was used a lot. The network people looked at the ports IM used as a security risk and blocked them. Executives that used IM for whatever reason made a stink and the ports were opened up again. This cycled back and forth several times before The Bank purchased licenses for Lotus's Sametime application, apparently more secure than IM.

So, with these sport sites, I suspect that if they were blocked, some executive would make some sort of stink about it and, even though it has no conceivable business purpose, because he is an executive he gets what he wants. I've seen this double standard happen before. A lawyer for the CEO was having a hardware problem with his laptop. Even though he was at home he demanded that a ticket be opened even though I told him that the hardware contractors not only weren't going to service his machine on a weekend but they weren't going to go to his home. When the hardware group closed the ticket for the reasons I just described, the exec's lawyer called back and made the same demands. He made such a stink up and down the line that eventually an analyst from the Help Desk went to his home to work on the issue. This violated all sorts of contractual agreements but the execs didn't care. Even when it was they who had agreed to and probably signed those agreements.

It's the double standard that irks me the most about this. These guys don't see this as unethical behavior.

That, and they've blocked Wikipedia, too.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Slush in my skull.

At the end of the day I left work swiftly so that I could hurry home because my daughter was going to borrow the car for the weekend and wanted to get started driving while there was still plenty of daylight. I walked half way across town to the end of Grant Street where I normally park my bike and had a momentary "Where the fuck is my bike" panic before remembering that this morning I had parked my bike right outside my building so that I could get going more swiftly.

The past month of all-day queues because we have been short staffed is really taking its toll on my brain. I'm not sleeping well, running on about four hours a night. I've lost my appetite. When I get home, I have no motivation to do the website and other computer work that needs to get done. I pulled a class out of the dish drain and before I got over to the refrigerator to get some ice from the freezer I had forgotten and had reached into the cabinet to get another glass.

"Help is on the way."

So said the e-mail from the Operations Manager, praising us for our hard work. That help arrived yesterday in the form of a single new employee. That is, I think that's who the new face is because he wasn't introduced around (at least, not to me) and I am certainly not involved in his training. We've lost at least half a dozen in the past month; one isn't going to make an appreciable difference even if they do get him trying to take password calls in record time.

My brain is no longer functioning properly and weekends aren't enough to recover.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Net income objectives

Just got an e-mail saying that The Corporation has reinstated 401k
matching. We'll see how log this lasts. You see, back in April of 2002 was when we first had our 401k matching discontinued. A month later they discontinued bonuses and instituted a salary freeze. It wasn't until September of 2004, after the company got bought by The Corporation that 401k matching was re-instituted. We thought at the time that it was the first sign that things might be improving. But less than a year later, in August of 2005, 401k matching was again discontinued.

Now, they are trying again.

"The company will once again be providing a match component to the 401K plan. There will be a standard match in which the Company will match 50% of the contributions you make to the 401K Plan after July 1st. This Company match is limited and will only apply to the first 2% of your pay. In addition, the company will provide a performance match. If the company achieves its net income objectives, the Company will match an additional 50% of your contributions made after July 1st."

Why are they coming up with a dumb-ass number like "50% of the first 2%"? Why don't they just say 1%?

Ohhhh, I'm all aquiver. 50% of the first 2% of my income is a little over $300 a year. At this rate, I'll be able to retire in 2178.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A Declaration of Independence

Patriotism is not about passing constitutional amendments against flag burning and same sex mariages. Patriotism is not anti-immigrant. It is not all these small minded things. It is big. Bigger than politians. Bigger than corporations or special interests. It is, I'm afraid, something that has been forgotten. Most especially forgotten in this flag waving time of "if you don't support our president, you don't support our troops."

I encourage you to read the Declaration of Independance carefully. Don't just scan over it an think you know what it says. Read every word and thik about what our founding fathers were really talking about. The nation they dreamed of. All they were willing to risk.

Then ask yourself what relevance their declaration has today. How many of the things did they speak about are still resonating across the centuries.


We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. --Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only. He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures. He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within. He has endeavourer to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands. He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers. He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance. He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power. He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us: For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent: For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offencesFor abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighboring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies: For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation. He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands. He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavourer to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Access to this Internet site has been blocked and logged

The Web Nazis at The Bank have been busy this weekend, adding more of the webcomics that keep me from going insane on a daily basis to their banned list.

"Onizumi.com" is one that I can understand that they would block. It can be pretty coarse and rude at times. Well, actually, it's that way almost all the time.

"Slightly Damned" was probably blocked based solely on the name. Sure, it's about demons, but the main demon character is sort of adorable and fuzzy. Hardly a demon at all. And it's got an angel that turns into a cute, fluffy bunny.

But, come on, there is absolutely nothing offensive that you could find in "Count Your Sheep" that warrants being put on a banned list. It's a girl and her sheep. Admittedly, that sentence could be twisted into some sort of yiffing perversion but really, it's a comic suitable for all ages.

I really don't understand how they work. Plenty of non-work related sports sites are still available. Car sites. Fashion sites. All that mainstream crap is still available for employees to waste their time on, why pick on as inoffensive a webcomic as "Count Your Sheep"?

I noticed another oddity of censorship a few weeks ago. I was searching on the keyword "meatatarian" and every website was blocked. On the other hand, all the vegetarian and vegan websites were fully available. I'm feeling discriminated against because of my dietary choice.

On the plus side, they still haven't shut down "Narbonic". Shaenon Garrity just announced that all of the archives are available FOR FREE now. I spent three hours last night reading, all the time between calls during the day and skipped eating dinner tonight to get caught up. On top of that, the collected Volume 3 is out. I'll be ordering that shortly.

I have mentioned before that she is evil that way.

GerbilMaybe she'll doodle on the mailing envelope again.

I would like to give her at least partial credit (along with Phil and Kaja Foglio's "Girl Genius") for my "Mutants and Masterminds" character Brian Czitrovszky. (Session #1, #2, #3, #4) It was disappointing that the game mechanics and the GM's version of the game didn't allow for that sort of mad genius I was looking to develop. It took far to long to design and build things, the rules for IA and robots didn't mesh well and the GM was too busy masturbating with his Deadpool character to design a coherent plot in which a mad genius could prosper.

Perhaps when the Girl Genius RPG comes out. Well, probably not. I'd be the only one to buy that game and thus would be running it. Not that I don't mind running games (I ran a Rolemaster/Middle-Earth campaign for three years back in college) but I'm still pining for a good game that I can be a player character in.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Midway

It's the mid-point of the year and the odometer on my bicycle reads 1,200 miles. With the implication of Codename V I no longer have to park at the end of the Eliza Furnace Trail in hopes of capturing him on camera. Thus, I can go back to parking in Squirrel Hill and doubling my daily commute. I may be able to get up to 3,000 miles by the end of the year.

Friday, June 30, 2006

Critical Mass

On the last Friday of every month, a pack of bicyclists collect at the Carnegie Library in Oakland to set out, en masse, on a tour through Pittsburgh's East End neighborhoods. Normally, I do not like I do not like riding with large groups but since this particular Friday there was going to be a party at Free Ride to benefit Bike Pgh, I thought I would attend.

There certainly was a much higher concentration of grubby clothes, dreadlocks, tattoos, piercings and leftist attitudes than there are in the general population and it was certainly a different crowd that what I am used to at Rails-to-Trail gatherings. They like to bill Critical Mass as a celebration rather than a protest but one only needed to see it to realize that this was civil disobedience.
To keep the ride together, the go through lights. If the light is red when they get there they will stop but once it's green they keep moving until the whole group. Technically, I'm sure this is violating some sort of traffic rule but it's no worse than what happens when a funeral drives through or some impromptu classic car or motorcycle convoys do. There has been at least one encounter with the police during a previous Critical Mass but there were no police in evidence during this eight mile ride.

Critical Mass at NeglyThere were a number of interesting angry encounters along the way, though. There was the guy driving an ice cream truck attempting to pull out of a gas station in Bloomfield saying, "I'll run you motherfuckers over." Yea, I want you delivering ice cream to the kids in my neighborhood. There was another guy in Bloomfield crossing the street with his 4 year old child in tow. He walked straight ahead, looking neither left or right, straight through the mass of cyclists. An old woman in Shadyside did the same "blinders on" advance. You people wouldn't do that if we were cars, would you?

Critical Mass at NeglyWhen a car tried to push its way into the mass of bicyclists, a volunteer cyclist would stop his bike right in front of the vehicle, essentially daring them to run him over. There were the occasional honks of support, a few waves and some applause but aside from the antagonism there was mostly curiosity.

Critical Mass on Penn Avenue with my own helmet in the foregroundI probably won't participate again. It's not that I have anything against them. Bicycle activism needs some anarchists to piss people off once in a while. It's just not my style.

The party wasn't my style, either. All the food was vegetarian or vegan. Not a single piece of meat. The music was overly loud and not anything close to the genre I have an interest in. In years past, these Bike Pgh parties have drown out a number of the Bike Trail people who I know and who know me but none of them were in evidence. I didn't recognize a single person.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Smoke and Mirrors

When I was first told about the Help Desk opportunity down on The Pharm, I was a bit dubious. A long history with The Corporation had taught me never to take anything at face value and not to believe anything was true until it was put in writing. Even so, I was encouraged at the possibility.

But each step of the way lead to a more certain conclusion. I had been initially told that they were going to move "our best of the best" from The Bank to The Pharm. It sounded like it was a done deal and all that was required was the paperwork. But then we were told there was going to be an interview. The Site Manager tried to spin it as just another formality but, as I said, take nothing at face value.

When the interview finally came, it felt just like any other interview rather than the formality I had been lead to expect. Again, when the offer was first proposed, I was told that my training experience was part of the deal. They wanted me to be a trainer for the integration. But again, in the interview I learned that the integration was not what I had been told it was and my training experience was not actually necessary. I was being interviewed to be just another analyst.

Finally, I learned that after the interviews, they decided to hire only one. They had interviewed six people, three of us and three apparently from the general population (or perhaps from The Corporation but not this Help Desk) So, the idea that the best of the best were being transferred was completely debunked.

The reason, the Site Manager told me, was that I created my own policies and that it's not my place to do so. I had been asked what my weakness was and I said that I took the time necessary to resolve issues. This sometimes lead to conflicts with the desire to resolve issues in 7 minutes or open a ticket (not an actual policy but a regularly reiterated guideline) but, if I went over that, it was always in the interest of customer service. The interviewers nodded their heads and agreed that the desire to take as much time as is necessary to resolve the issue was a foundation on which their Help Desk was built. They said that they had no such policy artificially limiting the amount of time taken by an analyst on a call. But, in truth, they had already made their decision. They saw my willingness to ignore policy as a threat to corporate harmony and dropped me. They don't want people that care about clients more than they care about policies and procedures. They want drones that follow orders.

My Site Manager's reaction to this has me believing that he actually thought that I was being transferred to be a trainer. And since I'm pretty sure that the people at The Pharm knew what they wanted and would have conveyed it to our Corporate HR, it was then my own company that spun the tale.

Smoke and mirrors. HR uses the mirrors to reflect your dreams and aspirations back upon you. I was looking to do training so HR made it seem like I was going to be a trainer. I was skeptical so they made it seem like a done deal. They stroked my ego by saying I was the best of the best. HR uses the smoke as layer of obfuscation between me and the truth. They lied to my Site Manager so that he could pass on these untruths with a straight face and a clear conscience.

This all happened on Monday but I haven't written about it until now because, even though I wasn't surprised at the outcome, I was still disappointed. On top of that, there were a number of application rollouts this weekend and nearly half a dozen analysts have left the Help Desk so we were sorely understaffed for the increased call volume. It has been one call after another, all day, all week. Tuesday I took twice as many calls as usual. After those kinds of days I've just gone home, played some "Star Wars: Battlefront," watched some TV and gone to bed. I haven't been motivated to make something to eat, let alone be creative in a blog. And even being physically and emotionally exhausted and going to bed early, I've not been getting much sleep. I need a break but I have too much of a work ethic to blow off work for a mental health day.

So, I return to square one having learned a valuable lesson: Lie your ass off during the interview. When they ask what your weakness is, be prepared with something piddling and unrelated, even if you think the truth could be spun to your advantage. They are lying to you and don't deserve the truth in return.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Where the Calamari Orders You.


I was in New York this week for my nephew's High School graduation and afterwards we went with my brother's family to Benihana. I was immediately disturbed by the horror on the plates.

It was the great elder god Cthulhu set above what must have been a multi-eyed and tentacled Shoggoth. My wife insisted that I was looking at it upside down and that it was actually flowers in a vase but I simply wasn't buying it.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Visiting the Pharm

After five week, I finally got the chance to go out to the new client site and interview. (Since this is a pharmaceutical company, I will protect their identity by referring to them as "The Pharm.")

Three of us from The Bank Help Desk went out at the same time. The Pharm representatives appreciated this because they were able to bring us into the secure building all at once rather than having to run up and down the stairs for each of us. They had apparently been scheduled for 6 meetings, one every half hour.

Of the three, I was to go last so I loitered in the Help Desk area. And it was familiar, in a sense. There was one person that I had trained at The Bank and had moved out to The Pharm a year ago. In addition, there were four of the Old Guard who had also been at The Bank and had moved out. That was great because, in talking to them I got a sense of just how much better this was.

For one, they've unscrewed all the lights. Walking through the door into the Help Desk, you would think that everyone had gone home for the day but most people are working only by the light of their monitors. Others have desk lamps. Only the Notes Team seem to like the light so they are all on one side of the room with ceiling lights.

They have wireless headsets so that can move about freely. One person told me she had gone to the kitchen/break area while on a call but that was just a little too far and the signal was breaking up. I'm reminded of a webcomic I scripted two years ago.

The Pharm is much more interested in issue resolution than in clearing the queue like The Bank is. There is no one looking over your shoulder telling you that you've been on the call too long (7 minutes) and telling you to move on. They want the issue resolved and if it takes 30 or 45 minutes that that's how long you should take. There are metrics such as availability, first call resolution and the like but they are easily met by competent workers and there is no pressure.

When I got the chance to meet with the reps, I was comfortable and confident. They asked one of the common interview questions; "What do you think is your weakness?"

"I tend to take whatever time is necessary to resolve an issue in spite of company policy. I refuse to end a call just because my 7 minute time limit is up, and I've flat out told my managers that as well. Where that is a liability at The Bank, it sounds like that's actually the way you do things here."

When my Site Manager and Operations Manager first talked about this opportunity, I got the impression that my training experience would be utilized as part of what they called "the integration." I assumed that would be between The Pharm's helpdesk and the new staff from The Corporation. Well, I was mislead. The integration they were talking about is that The Pharm used to have a third party supplying their hardware support. The Corporation is now taking care of hardware and is also taking over the Help Desk. The integration will be between the Help Desk and Hardware arms, make them a contiguous spectrum of support. My training experience is probably not going to be a factor in that. They also rely a lot on their knowledge base application for training. I may yet be involved in that, but it's not going to be what I thought.

When I got back downtown, my Site Manager was excited to hear how it had gone. I think he was a little disappointed that I seemed so blase about the whole thing. It's not that I'm disappointed but I've gotten used to these things not panning out and what had at first seemed like a sure thing has been shown to not be so sure.

My ego did get a boost, though, when my Site Manager said that he had really wanted to do something for me. He said that I had done everything here at the Help Desk and should have been moved up to Team Lead or some other manager position but there simply wasn't such a position available.

He's looking at this move out to The Pharm as a promotion but I'm seeing it as a change of environment with more pay. How much more pay, I still don't know. Since I was talking to representatives of The Pharm, they only knew operational details. I'll have to wait for The Corporate Overlords to make their pay offer. The Pharm guys said that they want to start moving quickly so I might be hearing about this in a few weeks.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Harassment Citation

The investigating detective in my Eliza Furnace case called to let me know that Codename P and his lawyer came to the Zone 4 station to receive a summary citation for the charge of harassment. It was, unfortunately, the best that could be done for in all the instances of grease and toothpaste under the door handles occurring over the past year, I was the only one to file official reports with the police. And though the reports were filed as Malicious Mischief, because no significant damage was done to my vehicle, the most severe charge that could be levied is harassment.

I am told that a court date will be set, likely in a month or so. I don't see much point to it though. Codename P told the detective that he "wouldn't do it anymore" which strikes me as an admission of guilt. For summary offenses, much like traffic violations, if he simply sends in his check for the fine, that could well be the end of it. There hardly seems any need to enter a courtroom.

I would very much like to have seen that. To stand before a judge and have him asked why the hell he would do such a thing? What did he hope to accomplish?

The court date may yet occur but I suspect Codename P's lawyer will do all the talking, simply admit guilt, write the check and get his client the hell out of there.

And while justice has been served, the victory seems somewhat hollow. And just as the year before all this when he was telling people he would have them towed and, when confronted, said "he wouldn't do it anymore," will he simply change his tactics? A year from now will he forget the minor price he had to pay and choose another tactic?

The wheels of justice turn. And turn again.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

The real old fashioned way

I spent most of my day at Meadowcroft competing in a World Atlatl Association competition. In the past, I have only spectated at the flint knappers making arrowheads and spear points but today I was recruited to sit down and learn something. I started on a point, knocking of flakes until it started to look vaguely like it could someday be an arrowhead. Then, *whack*, I hit at the wrong angle and broke the piece in half.

So, I started again with another piece of stone. I got about as far with this one as I had with the other when, *snap*, I knocked the point off of that one.

On the third try, I got a piece of flint that seemed to cooperate better. The flakes weren't coming off quite the way I wanted but they were too small rather than too large, which is easier to work with. Plus, I think I was starting to get the hang of it. I still didn't have a good eye as to where to strike to shape things the way I wanted but, with some guidance, I was able to produce a serviceable 2 inch arrowhead after about three hours total.

The pros said that it was very good for a first point. It looked better than their first points and it was even better than some authentic Native American points they had found in the field.

Even so, I don't see myself jumping into the hobby of flint knapping. I feel that I lack some of the subtlety, tendant towards wanting to tie a rock to a stick and calling it a club.

It's still a nice little point.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Getting the call

It was five weeks ago that I was "offered" a position at a new Help Desk client site. Last week, I was told that I would be getting a call from the Site Manager out there on either Friday or Monday. Well, Tuesday came and went without any response.

My current Site Manager followed up and on Wednesday everyone here got an update call. My own was left on my home answering machine and had an odd tinge to it. The first part seemed to be a disclaimer, along the sort of "I don't know what you've been told" message that makes it seem that my Site Manager's enthusiasm and impression that things were going to be happening quickly and that our moving out there were sure things wasn't so sure. The other part was the suggestion that the delay was because of a management change.

Well, of course there's a management change. The Corporation is taking over someone's Help Desk so it's a given that the current management is going to be replaced. I'm just concerned that we're going to be the first outsiders to invade with the expectation that everyone already there will be getting the axe to be replaced by us cheaper employees. That's what happened when The Corporation took over operations at The Bank just before I started there.

We got another update today. The Site Manager out there wants to do interviews next week. He also wants to get all of us at once. Not in the same room but pretty much at the same time with two sitting in the hall waiting while one is in interviewing. Or perhaps there will be several people interviewing and we'll be processed in a sort of "flash dating" round-robin.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Gruntled Henchmen


Narbonic is a terrific webcomic by Shaenon Garrity about mad scientist Helen B. Narbon and her henchmen. And, in keeping with the mad scientist theme, Shaenon has devised a diabolical website. You can read today's webcomic but you can't go back and read yesterday's without getting a subscription. You can read a few chapters but you can't learn the details of the Dave Conspiracy or what happened while henchman Dave Davenport was dead without either subscribing or ordering the printed collected volumes.

Well, she got me on that second one. Instead of eating dinner, I sat at the dinner table, read both volumes and laughed my ass off.

But, I don't feel used (well, not much, anyway) because she not only autographed both books but included original artwork on the mailing envelope. One can't feel exploited when the package comes with adorable gerbils.

Monday, June 12, 2006

It's Official: Big Ben is an Idiot.

I know it's unusual for a native Pittsburgher, but I pay little or no attention to local sports. But even with that level of inattentiveness I was able to hear some of the row over the past year about Steeler quarterback Ben Rothilsberger's refusal to wear a helmet when riding his motorcycle. I'm sure he used all the tired old augments that lobbyists used to get Pennsylvania's helmet laws repealed; "It's a matter of choice", "I drive safely", "I'm not taking risks."

I remember my Grandfather. As he got older, he wasn't able to drive himself anymore so I became his chauffeur. Trying to get him to wear a seatbelt was a major challenge.

"Drive so that I don't have to wear a seatbelt."

I always wanted to yell at him. It doesn't matter how safely I try to drive, if some other asshat on the road does something stupid, without a seatbelt you're going to be kissing the windshield. THAT'S why you wear one. Of course, my Grandfather accused me of being an "unsophisticated driver" because I drove with one foot for brake and accelerator rather than with one foot on the brake and the other for the gas.

Ben Rothilsberger made the same sort of arrogant mistake by deluding himself into believing that his safety on the road was entirely in his own hands. Some pinhead turned in front of him and he was unable to stop in time. BANG, into the car, richocheting his face off the windshield and then onto the concrete. According to news reports, he busted his jaw. If that's all the damage he sustained then he is incredibly lucky. But his survival still doesn't make him any less stupid.

It may be a matter of choice but it was an astronomically bad choice. A choice that he was repeatedly warned about in advance.

I ride a bicycle so I never get up to the highway speeds that motorcycle riders achieve but I still wear a helmet because I know that hitting the pavement at even a mild 10-15 mph can lead to a concussion. I've been forced off the road, sideswiped, broadside and any number of other road mishaps when I was obeying the traffic laws and riding as safely as I could. That attentiveness to safety still did not protect me from all the morons out there who believe that roads are only for them. Last year, I found myself taking off my helmet to rid the trail because I was getting uncomfortably hot. I realized the risk I was taking and spent nearly $200 to get a better ventilated helmet so that I could ride safe and cool.

I hate to say we told you so but, Ben, we did. Your coach told you. Your esteemed predecessor Terry Bradshaw (who knows a thing or two about football) told you. The doctors told you. The editorials in the paper told you. But you didn't listen. You listened to your own arrogance and illusions of immortality and now you're paying the price. If you had worn a helmet, you might have been able to walk away from that accident. Instead, you're going to spend the next 7 weeks healing a broken jaw. Was your machismo worth it? Have you learned anything at all from this?

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Bike-Pgh BBQ Fundraiser

Bike-Pgh had a BBQ Fundraiser at Whole Foods in East Liberty today and I went to show my support to the cause. I also made flyers with the photograph of Codename P vandalizing my car so that I can spread the word to Pittsburgh's biking community.

On Thursday, three weeks since filing the report with the photographs included, I was contacted by the investigating detective from Zone 4. He had not gotten a response from the people at Bike-Pgh concerning other people who have been vandalized at the Eliza Furnace lot and, without that, he was going to proceed as if I were the only victim. At the BBQ I was able to talk to the Director of Bike-Pgh and remind him to contact the police so that they have everything they need.

One of the suggestions that came up during conversation with other cyclists was to go to UPMC. UPMC leases the lot from Codename P and I am sure they would not want to be associated with his vanadlaous ilk. Shaming someone into doing the right thing is certainly an option but I prefer the legal system. His harassing of bicycle commuters is wrong and I would not want to be thought of as harassing him in turn, going to UPMC or encouraging people to take matters into their own hands.

On the other hand, sometimes justice needs to be served from outside the system. A friend sent me a link about a New York City resident who's friend left her cell phone in a taxi. You can read the entire story here but, the short form is he left a message to the cell phone telling the people who found it how it could be returned for a reward. The people who found it, however, responded with abusive messages that they would not return it. His investigation was able to track down who these people were and he reported it to the police (an adventure in itself). But he also posted his story online and very quickly amassed a following of people not only reading his story but helping him.

The director of Bike-Pgh asked me if it was ok if he made a posting about the Eliza Furnace vandalism and my photograph to the Ride a Bike blog that he maintains. I said, "absolutely." Perhaps some additional coverage will get other cyclists to come foreward with additional reports. Each additional piece of evidence is valuable in bringing Codename P to justice.

Monday, June 05, 2006

WMD Insurance

My auto insurance policy came up for renewal recently. O don't normally pay much attention to the policy itself and just pay the bills as they come but this time I noticed something strange under the "Endorsements attached to your policy" section:

Nuclear, Bio-Chemical & Mold Exclusion Endorsement

It struck me as very odd, indeed. I can understand the nuclear, biological and chemical things being itemized together, but mold??? How does mold rank up there with the risks from Weapons of Mass destruction? I called my insurance provider and got the following details:

Aside from such losses caused by terrorism activities, we do not provide coverage for loss, damage, injury, liability, cost or expense, due to or as a consequence of, whether controlled or uncontrolled or however caused:

a. Nuclear Exposure, reaction or explosion including resulting fire, smoke, radiation or contamination; and/or
b. Biological or chemical attack or exposure to biological or chemical agents, or combination of such agents, including resulting contamination or pollution.

We do not provide coverage for loss, damage, injury, liability, cost or expense arising out of or aggravated by, in whole or in part, "mold, fungus, wet rot, dry rot, bacteria or virus."

"Mold, fungus, wet rot, dry rot, bacteria or virus" means any type or form of fungus, rot, virus or bacteria. This includes mold, mildew and any mycotoxins, other microbes, spores, scents or byproducts produced or released by mold, mildew, fungus, rot, bacteria, or virus.

Now, I can see how this was put together. There was at one time an exclusion for mold. I imaging the most likely instance of this would be a car with the windows left open getting wet and developing that funky mildew smell. Or perhaps, the car gets caught in a flood and, while the engine survives, the upholstery does not. But after 9/11 they felt compelled to add something about not covering the hot-button fears of the day. I still haven't figured out why they categorized it with mold except that the exception shared similar language.

And I particularly like the language at the end where it says, essentially, "when we say mold, we mean mold. And fungus means fungus."

If my car gets nuked by Al Qaeda then I'm covered because it's an act of terrorism. But, if Iran declares war on the US and my car gets nuked in the ensuing melee, it's not covered because it wasn't an act of terrorism. If I park my car next to a nuclear power plant and it melts down; not covered. If a tanker truck full of mustard gas crashes on the highway, inundating my car; not covered. If an avian flu infected bird takes a dump on the hood; not covered. Body in the trunk bloats and festers with rot and disease; not covered. Attacked by triffids? Coverage would depend on whether a triffid is considered an animal, an ambulatory fungus or some other sort of animated carnivorous plant. By insurance company logic, I'm sure they'd find a way to deny coverage in either case.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Shekels from Heaven

More that a week ago while I was walking down Grant Street, I saw a coin on the sidewalk and picked it up. It had Greek lettering on it but I didn't think much of it as the last Greek coin I had picked up off the ground turned out to be plated metal with a hole in it as part of cheap jewelry. I put it in my waist pack and forgot about it.

Today, I was looking for the tweezers for my mini Swiss Army knife in my belt pouch and came across the coin again. This time, I paid a little more attention.

On one side is a portrait in the Roman style and on the reverse is a bird of some sort and the Greek lettering. The minting is a bit off of center so it is clearly not a modern coin. It's about the size of a quarter but twice as heavy.

The weight got me to thinking it might be silver. Now I was really interested. I started an internet search and very quickly found what I was looking for.

It is a silver shekel issued by the Phoenician city of Tyre (c. 126 BCE - 66 CE). The face side features a representation of Melkart, the chief deity of the Phoenicians. The reverse shows an Egyptian-style eagle with its right claw resting on a ship's rudder (referring to Tyre's port), a club (Melkart is associated with Hercules), and the Greek inscription ΚΑΙΑΣΥΛΟΥ ΤΥΡΟΥΙΕΡΑΣ ("Tyre the Holy and Inviolable") and a date. These coins, produced in large quantities, became the standard silver coinage in the Phoenician-Judaean area, replacing the coins of Alexander the Great.

Because all the Roman coins had gods on them and the Romans required the payment of taxes, the Jews were in a bit of a fix because they weren't permitted to use them because of the First Commandment about not having other gods, graven images and all that. The Jewish leaders decided that this particular coin, with a minor god (at least by Roman standards) on the face, was the least offensive and thus was the only coin that would be authorized for tax payments. It didn't hurt that it was also a well minted coin with a consistent weight of silver for accounting purposes. And because they were common coins at the time, when a coin is mentioned in the Bible's New Testament it was likely this coin. This was the coin spilled to the floor when Jesus overturned the tables of the moneychanger's in the temple. This was the coin that Jesus had Peter pull from the fish's mouth to pay the temple tax. This was the coin that Judas was paid with for his betrayal.

My Internet search was unable to figure out more precisely how old the coin is. The date, located behind the eagle, consists of the number of years since the acknowledgment of Tyre's independence by Syria (126 BCE). For example, the Greek ΡΛ would represent 130 years or 3-4 CE. On my coin, I can't identify the single date character. There is an obsolete letter Qoppa which has a version that looks a little like the symbol on the coin. If so, Qoppa's numerical representation of 90 would make the coin's minting date about 36 BCE. I'm just guessing, though. It'd probably take a pro to tell for sure.

In any case, I may have found found an over 2,000 year old coin just walking down a Pittsburgh street. According to the websites I looked at, it could easily be worth hundreds of dollars. It could also just as easily be a replica coin worth nothing.