Building up a tolerance

Yesterday seemed like a slow day at the Helpdesk but when I looked at the numbers I saw that I took 76 calls. Not slow at all. In fact, looking over the past couple of months, my average call volume is 73 for a day.

And what is a worse commentary on the skewing of my perceptions was a look back at one of my earliest blog posts from 2004:

As of noon I have taken 42 calls, which is about the number I get on a normal day. 3.5 hours to go.

In four years, the call volume that I consider "normal" has nearly doubled.

Tardy

My Team Lead sent a message out today stating that on a regular basis we were going to be receiving a message from him summarizing our metric. This is, of course, nothing new as these updates have been instituted before only to fall by the wayside as they became too much work for managers to maintain. We'll see how long this attempts lasts.

This update has a summary of my instances of tardiness since the beginning of the year. I hadn't paid attention to the very stringent interpretation of the policy that was going into effect wherein being late by 1 minute was going to count as half a point. Being late more than 7 minutes was going to count as a full point. Accumulate 3 points would earn a verbal reprimand. 5 points gets you written up. 7 points and you get sent home for the day to repent you sins and 10 points would get you fired.

Apparently in the two weeks since the beginning of the year I had earned myself 2.5 points and the next occurrence would get me called down on the carpet.

I found it hard to believe that I had been late nearly 25% of the time and so I asked what the time stamps on those infractions actually were.

01/03 7:31AM
01/04 7:32AM
01/07 7:31AM
01/09 7:33AM
01/10 7:33AM

What a reprobate I am! A few minutes here and there and they are waving the big stick. And, even for my walking into work since I broke my hand I'm sitting at my desk typically half an hour before my scheduled start time. Quibbling over those couple of minutes and calling me "tardy" is a bean-counting absurdity.

I've said this numerous times before and no one seems to take it seriously, this is a failure to manage people. There are a few people who are problems. Managers need to deal with those people. Instead, they create metrics and numbers and other nonsense that is insulting to those of us who are doing our jobs well. In the past when I brought up this pattern of behavior, Management claimed that they were "collecting information", implying that they couldn't take any action without a mountain of evidence. But when they use "at-will employment" they are admitting that the numbers they collect don't actually matter.

I think that Managers are really attempting to avoid conflict. . . to avoid actually managing. . . by creating an arithmetic system. No decisions. No judgments. Let the numbers decide. Of course, that will collapse when they have to start disciplining the best employees for infractions that have nothing to do with their job performance.

Oh, they've done this before, too. Made a stink about tardiness and then abandoned it because the rules they set were not workable. Add to that the knowledge that the phone system times are often a few minutes off of the server time and has been that way for years on years. I was about to send an email to my Team Lead pointing this out when the Help Desk Programmer sent this out:

Note there is a time discrepancy between the ACD system time and 'actual' time as referenced to the NIST government time site. Time variance has been measured to be up to one (1) or two (2) minutes.

See? I saw that coming.

But I wasn't sure that was going to be enough. Recall my Handbook blog post a week ago that has the procedure manual including a requirement that everyone actually start 5 minutes early. I wondered if they were going to hold this up to say, "those couple of minutes wouldn't be there if you logged in 5 minutes before your start time like we require you to."

Not too long after the Programmer's message, my Team Lead sent me another message:

Due to the technical issues described, I have removed 4 of the 5 occurrences you have accrued because you very well may have logged in on time.

Pretty much saw that coming too. He went on:

I know that you arrive to work well before your scheduled start time. I suggest logging in earlier and remaining in aux (aux 9 will not affect your availability) until your scheduled start time, just to be on the safe side.

Which isn't quite the "log in early" requirement of the manual. The manual requires that I be logged in and taking calls. In this, he's telling me how to tweak the system so that I can avoid punishment but not requiring that I start early as it is stated in the manual.

And so, the downfall of this policy is underway almost as soon as it was implemented.

Outgoing Income

First paycheck of the year and it's good to see that after eight years, the Corporate Overlords have finally adhered to the law and deducted the City's Occupation Tax without being harangued into doing so. It's also nice that the city has changed their laws so that the tax is taken out at $2 per paycheck instead of slamming us for $52 out of the year's first paycheck.

And my bi-weekly take home pay has dropped even more because my health care deduction has increased by 10%. Oddly enough, this is a good thing because this is, in fact, the lowest increase in my health care costs since I started here at the Helpdesk, with the highest increase being 21% and the average over the past eight years being 15% annually. That means that while most everything (excluding energy prices) costs 20% more than it did at the turn of the century, my health insurance costs have increased 225%.

Handbook

Management has been making a bing deal about the Employee's Handbook recently. Probably because for the past several years they have been in such a rush to get new analysts up and running on the phone that they have been lax in making it clear just what is expected of people and this has led to a distinct drop in professionalism. Mostly, it's been in the form of people not showing up for work on time but in some cases it's sloppy adherence to the dress code and other less important things. Nothing's changed significantly in the document itself, however.

Some highlights:

"By signing below, you acknowledge that you have received a copy of the Corporate Helpdesk Handbook, and understand that it is your responsibility to read and comply with the policies contained therein and any revisions made to it. Furthermore, you acknowledge that you are employed "at-will" and that this handbook is neither a contract of employment nor a legal document."

So wait. . . if it's not a legal document, why am I required to sign it?

"The Corporation at its option, may change, delete, suspend, or discontinue parts or the policy in its entirety, at any time without prior notice. In the event of a policy change, employees will be notified. Any such action shall apply to existing as well as to future employees."

This is just making it clear that it's not a legal document. The Corporate Overlords can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and aren't to be held accountable for what they do. At least, though, they'll do you the courtesy of telling you.

"Each analyst is required to remain available (at their desk) with PC powered on and signed on to the Network 5 minutes prior to start of shift."

Five minutes early is 25 minutes a week which is 21.25 hours a year (with PTO taken into account). That's over $400 at my current hourly rate. Are you going to pay me for this time? No? Then you're going to get me when my scheduled times starts.

"Should you choose to resign from the Help Desk Project, The Corporation expects you to provide a minimum of two weeks notice to your respective Team Lead / Operations Manager / Site Manager."

Remember that "at-will" statement that you put at the beginning of the document? Here in Pennsylvania it works both ways. I am not required to give you two weeks notice. I could walk at any time and there is nothing you can do about it. In fact, were I to obtain another job I would expect the Corporate Overlords to not compensate me for the PTO that I had accrued. To ensure that I got what was coming to me I would apply for two weeks of vacation time and then tender my resignation the minute after my last timesheet was approved.

Total Appreciation = $28.88.

Today's Employee Appreciation prize was a Timberline Colorado fleece blanket (50" x 60" with heavyweight nylon stadium carrying strap and imprinted with The Bank logo). They spent all of $8 for it. Ooooh. Ahhhhh.

Actually, it's the first thing all week that I find actually useful. Well, besides the food.

Total Appreciation = $20.88

We received an email from The Bank to the IT Department (of which we are nominally a part):

"By now you've received the first of several tokens of our appreciation for the hard work and dedication you've shown throughout the year. On Monday we celebrated the tremendous effort by our entire team around The Integration, the largest and most complicated integration in The Bank's history. Please enjoy the other events throughout the week and know that none of this success could have been accomplished without IT's greatest asset, our employees! Watch for a surprise on Thursday as the week draws to a close."

Surprise! Today's addition to Employee Appreciation Week was a certificate thanking me for all my "hard work and dedication." Ooooh. Ahhhh.

Total Appreciation = $20.61

The Operations Manager sent out this message:

Hello Team -

In continuation of "Employee Appreciation Week", we have a CAKE for your enjoyment. Please feel free to stop over to get a piece. (It is located next to my cube.)

Again, thank you for all your "Hard Work" and "Dedication".

Why is "Hard Work" and "Dedication" in quotes? Is it the ironic or snarky usage of quotes meant to imply that we are not working hard or are not dedicated? And while that may or may not be true, it's not particularly professional for Help Desk Management to state it this way. It makes me think that they really don't "appreciate" what we do. But, in all honesty, I just think that the Operations Manager is clueless when it comes to corporate communications.

In response, an analyst commented:

"Now, Milton, pass the plates around so everyone gets a piece, ok?. . . JUST DO IT!"

Referencing the scene in "Office Space" when the long oppressed Milton passes cake around to all his coworkers to find that the pieces have run out when it's turn for his piece. There is certainly irony in this as yesterday those who weren't first in line to get "Employee Appreciation Sandwiches" were left out. There was plenty of bread and salad, bowls of condiments and a gallon of salad dressing but not enough meat and cheese.

I sure those hungry employees felt "appreciated".

Total Appreciation = $18.86

Today's Employee Appreciation Week festivity was lunch. Big bowls of salad, fixin's for sandwiches, chips and cans of pop, served by our management staff. I figure they spent another $8 or so a person on this. Ooooh. Ahhhhh.

They set up tables on the empty side of the floor in an apparent attempt to get us to sit and socialize but the vast majority of people simply grabbed their food and went back to their cubicles.

Total Appreciation = $10.56

The first day of Employee Appreciation Week and we have received a Leeds New Connections Dual Compartment Lunch Cooler affixed with The Bank's logo, valued at $10.56. Ooooh. Ahhhhh.

The plastic logo was easily removed so now I have an insulated lunch bag that I will never user to sit next to the three other insulated lunch bags that I have collected over the years and never use.

Appreciation

Next week will be Employee Appreciation Week at the Help Desk. On both Monday and Friday, the "business casual" dress code will be relaxed so that employees can wear Steeler black and gold. There will be a free lunch. Free cake. Certificates of appreciation and gifts from several divisions of The Bank in gratitude for all we at the Help Desk did during recent integrations and major rollouts.

Meanwhile, other technicians within The Corporation are having their compensation adjusted. They will no longer be receiving commissions but will have an increase in their base pay. When the dust settles, however, they will be getting three or four dollars an hour less than when they were making commissions.

Now that's some appreciation.

Thanks. Bye.

I was asked by Team Lead R if I could stay to work an extra half-hour. I agreed, whereupon Team Lead R thanked me for my support. . . and then left for the day.

I took 104 calls for the day. He took 3.

Call the helpdesk

It used to be that new branch users underwent training that included how to signon to their systems. Occasionally the passwords they were provided didn't wok and they had to call the Help Desk for a reset but, all in all, passwords were a part of training.

Well, not anymore. User's are sent to their new branches with absolutely no clue how to signon to the machine and what password to use. The mail program is a standard initial default, set to the same thing for everyone, and you would think that at least one trainer out there might know to give that to the users but, no. Nothing. Call the Help Desk.

There are callers who don't know what the time sheet system is. They don't know how to get login screens for various applications. I've even had users call not knowing their login id. They were just told to call the Help Desk.

We are not branch trainers. This is not our job. There are people called trainers who are currently being paid to do this and they are not.I'm sick of picking up their slack.

STFU

Team Lead J: "Geis, I am getting some complaints from other analysts concerning the volume of your voice. It is affecting their ability to hear their own callers. I know we have had this conversation before and I realize it is your natural speaking voice, but please take whatever measures you can to provide a more quiet environment for your neighbors."

So, let me get this straight. . . I report to management that employees and a Team Lead are using bigoted, belittling, sexist and otherwise offensive language and nothing is done about it for two months until someone notices that pornography is also involved and you are censuring me because of the VOLUME of my voice?

As expected

So, Boss, how's that Voluntary After-Holiday Overtime working for you?

Not so well, apparently. The Helpdesk fielded 2380 calls yesterday, 1000 more than on a typical busy Monday or the typical day after a holiday Monday. I took 107 calls and at least three other analysts took over 100 calls as well. This is unprecedented. I don't recall any day ever when more than one person has taken 100 calls, to have four do so tells me that there isn't enough staff to handle the call volume.

I have every expectation that the day after Veteran's Day we will be returning to the Mandatory Overtime protocol.

Overworking

Two weeks ago, my Team Lead sent out an email asking what shifts people worked. It seems a bit, I don't know, incompetent to ask this. Isn't it a manager's job to define when people work? In any case, I took that opportunity to bring up that I had been working the so-called "Mandatory Overtime Mondays" since May when Team Lead D and 6 of his cohorts were fired. I noted in that email that the overtime was supposed to be interim until staffing levels had been increased and, while that seems to have happened, I was still working as hard if not harder. I also noted that I seemed to be one of only a few that were actually working the overtime.

I received no response.

Last week, the Tactical Manager sent out an email about how upcoming holidays were going to be handles. Columbus Day I was going to work 4 hours and Veterans Day I was going to have off. I responded with a question about the standard "Mandatory Overtime" after holidays. I also made mention to him about the "Overtime Monday" question.

I received no response.

Today, there was an email from the Tactical Manager that Tuesday, the day after Columbus Day was going to be a VOLUNTARY overtime opportunity. So, if staffing levels are so good that they only need extra staff voluntarily, then why am I still working overtime on every Monday?

I went to his cube and asked and he said that t had been decided to
minimize overtime costs and there were no longer Mandatory Overtime Mondays.

"When was this decided?"

"This week."

Which is a better answer than I get most of the time when I ask these questions and find out that decisions had been made weeks before and we just hadn't been informed about it. In this case, the decision had been made only earlier in the same week and they hadn't informed us about it. In fact, by the end of the day, we still hadn't actually been informed about this change in policy. Since only about 5 of the 40 analysts here were still doing the Mandatory Overtime Mondays-thing, I suppose they didn't feel they needed to make an announcement.

This is, of course, part of the regular cycle. In getting rid of the overtime to save money, they will soon discover that they don't have enough staff (because five of the people they hired for the big rush last month have skipped). We will be working our asses off, the queues will climb and we'll start to miss our metrics. The Bank will complain and they will have to go back to mandatory overtime or hire more people.

On an unrelated note, we got name plates for our cubicles today. In eight years of working here, this is the first time I've ever had a name plate. Wow, a raise and a name plate, it's just like if we were professionals.

The Forever Monday

Every day this week I have taken between 80 and 90 help desk calls. Typically, I've only taken that many calls on a Monday and the rest of the week is in the 60s and 70s but The Bank bought another bank and last week they went "on line." So, why did last week only suck on Monday and Tuesday where this week has been sucky all week?

Burn rate.

Several of the people that were hired specifically to handle the increased call volume left by the end of the week. Add to that the call volume increasing by nearly 50% when staffing has only increased by something less than 20% (less now that several have punched out already), well, the math does not work out in my favor.

In a call Thursday afternoon, I said to a user: "It's too early on a Monday morning for this."

User: "Monday morning? Where are you?"

Geis: "Here in Pittsburgh. But it has seemed more like one, long Monday morning all week."

User: "Yea, Wednesday's can be that way sometimes."

Geis: "You are, of course, aware that this is actually Thursday."

User: "Awww, man."

A.F.T.

Ever since the middle of June, management has been crowing about the efforts they have been going through to get us "market adjustments" to our salaries. And when they couldn't pull off the actual increases, they made a big show about announcing compensation in the form of "commissions" in every other paycheck. There was even an official meeting where they took people off the phones to be told this face to face.

So, it seems somehow suspicions when today's paycheck finally had the salary increase they've been promising for months, and yet management has been completely silent on the matter.

My base salary has increased by $2.50 an hour and they also threw in two weeks of retroactive pay to cover the entire month. Another $400 a month, $5,200 a year. Almost, but not quite, what I should have been making were it not for the salary freeze.

And they said nothing.

I can only guess that there wasn't a broadcast announcement because not everyone got the raise.

One might think I'd be happy about the raise but the obsfucation, dithering, broken promises and tens of thousands of dollars in lost wages over the past four years lead my to think merely that it is about fucking time.

I wonder if I will be called into the office to be offered a training position now that they have finally made good on my demand for compensation. They are going to be disappointed if they do because, while this raise compensates me for my job as an analyst, it doesn't reflect the added investment of being a trainer. I'd be willing to negotiate that point but they're going to need to change my job description for me to agree.

I'm not holding my breath.

Behold! The Power of Lame!

Our new office space has automatic blinds that rise and fall based on some sort of obscure, supposedly green formula. The Team Leads have window seats and whenever the blinds move either up or down, at least one of them and sometimes both of them will raise their arms as if they are magically willing the blinds into motion.

Am I the only one who thinks that is inordinately arrogant? Or tragically lame? Or perhaps it's just sad that they do this every single time. One would think they'd get tired of the joke after a month. I know I am.

Supplemental Income

On returning from my vacation (riding my bicycle from Pittsburgh to DC) I found a check from my employers to the tune of $400. Apparently, the Site Manager was finally able to make good on the promise to get our "bonus" to reflect four weeks instead of just two (as he said it should have been last month). On the other hand, it shows that he still hasn't been able to get the "market rated adjustments" to our salaries that he has been making noise about for three months now.

Old news, really.

But what receiving this check separately from my paycheck really points out is the difference in tax rates. Of the $400 itemized as "commission", I only received $237 in cash. Typically, the Fed takes about 10% of my pay in their taxes but because this commission is considered "supplemental income", the Feds are claiming 23%. So, even though it's supposed to represent the salary increase I never received, I'm still being ripped off because the way the books have to be cooked to get me any money at all means the government is taking twice as much of it.

In spite of the rhetoric, these "commissions" are not comparable to a salary increase.

Home to roost

Our Bank bought another Bank and the integration is beginning. I received a call from a Tech who wanted a password reset for a user. He did not have the user on the line so I could not verify the user's identity (mother's maiden name and such like that). When I asked him to put the user on the line so that I could verify that information, he launched into a story that "he always does this." What he's always been doing is calling a conference line specifically set up for this sort of thing but, due to a scheduling mistake, the conference line was occupied by an unrelated meeting and he just wanted it taken care of and so called the Help Desk.

I refused to violate identity verification procedures and after some
dancing around with Team Leads and the Function Desk, I transferred him to the Function Desk who said that they would do it, which made me look like a complete moron.

I immediately went to the Tactical Manager to complain about these "exceptions" that we never hear about and are somehow expected to just do.

I learned that these calls should be going to the Function Desk, where they "just take care of it", but if they're busy, the calls roll out to the general queue. I commented that I always seem to get these calls.

Not two minutes later, the same tech calling for the same nonsense got through to me again. I immediately transferred him back to the Function Desk.

And just after that, we received a message that "If anyone gets a call from Tech_A or Tech_B to reset a password, you may perform the reset without security verification. This applies to today only!"

Geis: "Would it not be appropriate to verify the identities of Tech_A or Tech_B?"

Team Lead: "In most cases I would say yes - but this a pre-authorized process that falls under the Conversion."

Geis: So let me get this straight. . . the only way we will know that the person claiming to be Tech_A calling for a password reset is really Tech_A is that he will say that he's Tech_A. And Data Security's OK with that? And if it turns out that the person calling isn't who he claims to be, what then? Really, if we abandon the security procedures just because the techs are too busy to follow them, why do we have them at all?"

Team Lead: "What can I say? I see your point. I also see that Management made a decision on how to proceed."

Geis: There will come a day, hopefully not today, that these "exceptions of convenience" will burn us very badly. And on that day, as the people who made that decision are clearing out their desks, my only comfort will be in saying that I tried to warn you."