Apology

I came in this morning to a waiting e-mail from D*****, sent to my work e-mail box Sunday afternoon.

There are times when people say things that are insensitive, arrogant, and obnoxious without thinking about the impact their words may have on an individual. We all can probably remember words that we have used to insult, humiliate, embarrass, or offend a person but never really gave any special thought to it. I can truthfully say that it can happen to anyone. When that happens, it's only fair for one to apologize to those that may be affected. I accidentally sent an Epop to entire Help Desk with inappropriate words directed toward you. Although the intent was to be humorous, the words were still inappropriate for an electronic format. I apologize for sending such a message.

This "apology", which seems to me long on excuses and short on actual regret, was carbon copied to everyone at the Help Desk. At least he made a public apology for my public humiliation but it wasn't a very good one. "There are times when people. . . ", "We can all. . . ", ". . . it's only fair for one. . . " In all of these, he's not taking responsibility for what he did. He's not saying that he was "insensitive, arrogant, and obnoxious", he saying that "people" do this. Then he says "I accidentally sent. . . " as if his mistake was in sending it to everyone.

I was not satisfied.

Later in the morning, D***** stopped by my cubicle on his way to have a smoke. I was on a call and did not want to interrupt it to hear his abbreviated apology so eventually he tired of loitering and said he would talk to me later. I suspected that D***** had been talked to by management because I don't think he would initiate a verbal, one-on-one apology on his own initiative.

Immediately after the call, I went to speak with the Help Desk Manager. He told me that Corporate had been told about this and they were taking it very seriously. He said that D***** "had a lot of work ahead of him to show that he's not tat kind of Team Lead." Both the written and verbal apologies were part of that "work."

The rest of the morning and the bulk of the afternoon had plenty of opportunities for D***** to get up from his desk and come over to me. He did not. Apparently he thought the apology was important enough for him to stop by and deliver on his way somewhere else but not so important as to make a special trip. That sort of attention to the issue makes me wonder if he's learned his lesson.

Just before D***** was to leave for the day, he finally came over and asked if I had received the e-mail he had sent. "I just wanted to say I was sorry. It wasn't ment to be offensive but it obviously was"

"This is not about remorse or forgiveness," I said. "This is about respect and responsibility. No doubt, Corporate HR has some plan for you but let me tell you how this will work with me. If you ever want to talk to me or about me concerning policy, procedure or the cost of tea in China, you will go to the Help Desk Manager. Do not approach me in the hallway. Do not hover by my cubicle. Everything goes through Management"

D***** said that he thought he should have stayed away but that he felt he had to apologize in person. Liar. He wouldn't have come over if he hadn't been required to by HR. I'm not even sure he would have e-mailed the apology, such as it was, without being impelled by HR's authority.

Oh, he's on the fast track to redemption.