Birds of a Feather

As I was walking from work towards where I parked my bike, I heard a screech that said "I'm a bird of prey." It took me a few moments of scanning but I saw the bird perched on top of one of the flag poles at the corner of Grant and the Blvd. of the Allies.

It was one of the downtown Peregrine Falcons sitting on top of the eagle flagpole cap. Both birds were about the same size.

Pittsburgh has several nesting pairs of Peregrines. One pair lives atop the Cathedral of Learning in Oakland. The other nests downtown high up on the Grant Building. These Falcons are not migratory but they do seem to roam away from town during the fall and early winter. Now is about the time they return to raise a new clutch.

I can see the Gulf Tower from where I work but the angle is such that I can't see the nest. Even so, I occasionally see the blur of a falcon, folded up in a dive to pick a pigeon out of the sky. (Die! Die! Die, you disgusting rats with wings!)

The Western Pennsylvania Conservancy maintains webcams to watch the falcon nests. (http://www.paconserve.org/pittfalcons/index.html) Unfortunately, it looks like the Gulf Tower cam isn't functioning. As you watch, look for eggs near the end of March and for them to hatch at the end of April.

Mongohosting

Last year in May, I signed up for web hosting on behalf of my sci-fi club with Mongohosting. My original intention was to register the club's domain name for myself and then set up the website but I made a mistake and Mongohosting registered the domain. Well, the whole package cost $25 for the year so I didn't think it was that bad. At such a low cost, it wouldn't be a problem to wait for the registration to expire and then get them to transfer it when it did.

Well, as the year progressed, I began to think I had made a larger mistake. I had some thoughts about moving my personal domain but their website and price structure was undergoing some revision at the time and my e-mail requests went unanswered. Later, I had our website go down and my e-mail requests for support again went unanswered. Bad omens.

Today, I sent an email to the admin asking about transfering the domain. I was very pleased to receive a response quickly from Cindy the Mongohosting admin but disturbed that they were asking $150.

$150 to transfer a domain? That's userous! That's blackmail! Year ago, I worked for an IT company and did domain registration transfers. There's really no processing effort, just signing onto Network Solutions website and changing the account properties. Click "submit" and it's done. If I registered with Network Solutions, I could get 9 years for less that $100.

I returned an email questioning what could cost so much. They said: "Your Domain along with many others were sold to us when we bought the company from *******." I hadn't known that. Well, if all my previous problems were *******'s fault, maybe this could be dealt with in a businesslike manner. Except that I started looking things up. Mongohosting had been bought by Silver Cities back in September. According to the chatter on the Mongohosting support forum, that's when the problems really started.

Cindy's email also said: "As we just reregistered the domain we would be expecting to recoup costs
and expenses associated costs from the hosting charges."

I did a whois on my domain and there was no evidence that it was re-registered. It was still due to expire in May.

"As we won't be doing that if you move we have to cover our loses."

I hadn't said anything about no longer hosting at Mongohosting, I had inquired about transfering domain registration. And even so, even if they had already re-registered the domain, unless they registered it for the next 20 years they have no justification to charge me as much as they are.

Of course, justification has nothing to do with it. They have a domain that I want and will make me pay for it. My only other option is to simply not pay the bill at the end of my year. The website will expire and, if they are true to their word, they will have already re-registered the domain for at least a year, keeping it out of my hands. That would be devistating to my clubs web presence.

It is blackmail, pure and simple. And now that I'm looking this up, things look even worse. Earlier today I was on their support forum and there were plenty of postings about the lack of support. I even recal one about them having been reported to the Better Business Bureau. Now that I've gone back to actually check on the details of that all the messages have been deleted from the forum.

They are attempting to cover their tracks.

Oh, this is bad and it looks like I'm going to have to submit to their extortion.

Allah Had No Son

I normally refuse to pick up the various religious pamphlets and flyers that end up sitting around or being handed out by street evangelists but this one was on a shelf in the Barnes & Noble Bookstore and I just shoved it in my pocket to get it out of there.

I decided to take a critical look rather than just throwing it away.

This Chick Publication is titled "Allah Had No Son" and it begins with a father and son walking by a mosque where Muslims are seen kneeling in the courtyard. The boy asks what they are doing and the father replies, "They are worshiping their moon god."

So, the pamphlet starts off with a lie. Sure, it goes on to explain how the Islamic symbol of the crescent moon is a hold over from prehistoric moon worshiping but Allah is no more a moon god than the Judeo/Christian God is a sun god. Each has its roots in paganism but each has also evolved. In point of fact, the crescent moon is a relatively modern invention, I think from the post-Ottoman Empire and the founding of modern Turkey.

Standard propaganda techniques right off. Demonizing the Muslims by reducing them to deluded pagan worshipers. Don't even admit that they worship the same god.

Back to the pamphlet. . .

A worshiping Muslim has overheard the man calling Allah a moon god and leaps up, threatening "The holy Koran says I could KILL you for saying that!" A footnote directs users to reference Sura 5:33.

Of course, most people are going to just assume that, since the Koran is being referenced chapter and verse, then it is being attributed correctly. And few people have a copy of the Koran to check and wouldn't be inclined to read it anyway.

This is another lie. The passage actually reads: "Those that make war against Allah and His apostle and spread disorders in the land shall be put to death or crucified or have their hands and feet cut off on alternate sides, or be banished from the country. They shall be held to shame in this world and sternly punished in the next: except those that repent before you reduce them. For you must know that Allah is forgiving and merciful."

The passage does not give the faithful permission to kill for a simple insult; it directs them to mete out various levels of punishment to those that make war upon them. This is the right of self defense and is repeatedly mentioned in both the Torah and the Bible.

Another propaganda technique is to misquote the enemy's own documents. In this case, further demonizing the Muslims by taking a passage that refers the right to defend oneself in warfare and twist it into an extremist view that kills at the slightest provocation.

Next, follows more demonization. The Muslim declares that they expect a Muslim flag to fly over the White House by 2010, that it will end Christianity in America and they have already bringing England to its knees.

Now it's time to make the reader even more afraid. Oh, and more lies. The Muslim says that the Koran condemns the Bible and that Jesus did not die on the cross. But, in this case they don't footnote to a passage in the Koran, they attribute a rampantly racist modern book "Islamic Invasion" by Robert A. Morey. In fact, most of this pamphlet seems based on this piece of crap.

You can tell, I'm starting to loose my objectivity as I study this more and more.

The pamphlet goes on to "prove" that Allah is a moon god, that the so-called Father, Son and Holy Spirit are the one true god and how the Muslims are doomed to hell.

Then, using another tried and true propaganda technique, the Muslim comes to his realization that Islam is a lie, he repents, accepts Jesus as his savior and asks how he can save others. There follows a form the reader can fill out to affirm his faith and get more stuff in the mail to distribute.

But what frightens me more that the contents of this document and that people actually believe this garbage is that MORE people are believing this. I even remember that for several weeks in 2001 after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the Bush Administration used the word "Christendom" as if this were a new religious crusade against Islam. Thankfuly, some advisor told Dubbya not to use that word anymore but it shows the fundamental beliefs that our president has.

Is it any wonder there are Muslims willing to blow themselves up to defend their faith and homelands from western imperialism. They have every right to be afraid. Hell, I'M afraid because I'm not a Christian. When will I be called a traitor or un-American becuse I'm not a Christian?

0 for 3

Just got an email from our Corporate Overlords:

Dear Valued Employee,

Despite a great deal of care and diligence to ensure accuracy in the first payroll completed through Pomeroy's HR department, we have discovered that your compensation
was not accurately calculated. Corrective steps are being taken as follows:

401k Deduction
The 401k deduction taken was a small percentage of what you had elected. The amount deducted was the dollar amount equivalent to percentage you elected. For example, if you elected to deduct 5.0%, only $5.00 was deducted. The difference between the amount deducted and the correct deduction has been calculated and will be withheld in the next pay period.

So, I forgot to mention that I was screwed for Christmas as well. My paycheck came with the Christmas holiday pay but the very next day the holiday pay was deducted from my account because I was sick on Thursday and took the day off. The policy is that if you take off the day before or the day after the holiday, you don't get the holiday pay. The "official" holiday for The Company was the Friday because Christmas itself was on a Saturday. So, even though I came in sick to work on Friday, the "official" holiday, I didn't get the holiday.

And then, to add insult to that injury, The second, revised paycheck re-submitted the PTO I used for my sick day, taking essentially another 8 hours of compensation away from me.

I suppose it could be worse. One of my coworkers isn't scheduled for Thursdays because he works on Saturdays. He never had a chance at holiday pay for Christmas. The only thing the Corporate Overlords would offer him was the opportunity to work on a day he wasn't normally scheduled.

Oh yea, we're off to a rousing start.

Transference

As I left for lunch, B**** (the person I had only recently trained) talked to me in the hall and D*****. It would seem that B**** was on a call and, being new and not knowing the answer to the caller's problem, he asked a co-worker for assistance.

D***** made a "scisors-finger" gesture. I know that to D***** that clearly means "You're taking too long on this call, cut it short." B**** said "what" because he honelstly didn't know what D***** meant. D***** screwed up his face in a classic "D'uh" expression and gestured with both hands, clearly implying that B**** was stupid for not knowing what was meant. And this was not the first time he's done something like this to B****.

What's worse is that B**** told me that this sort of behavior is recent, say in the past two weeks which, by an astonishing coincidence, is when D***** stuck his foot in his mouth concerning me.

So, either D***** has not learned his lesson and while he is keeping away from me, he is still being a bad manager to everyone else.

Or, he hasn't learned his lesson and is taking out his frustrations on the person I just finished training. Would it be too speculatory to say that he hopes to reate questions about my value by defaming the people I've trained? Two weeks ago I wouldn't have thought so but now I am not so sure.

I told B**** to write it all up with dates and times and to send it to the Help Desk Manager and HR Contact. I'm tempted to go to them right now with this but I think B**** should present it in his own words. I told him to tell them that he spoke to me about this and I advised him to speak to them. Once that ball starts rolling, I will weigh in with my own opinions.

I'm pretty think skinned and D***** cannot truly embarass me in public because most everyone knows how he is but I'll be damned if I'll allow him to take it out on someone else.

A Wonderful Life

I don't know if you've been watching this story on the news but several weeks ago, the building manager of 927 Fifth Avenue in New York City had the nest of a mated pair of Red-Tailed Hawks torn down from his building. These marvelous birds, named Pale Male and Lola, have been living at this posh Manhattan location for over a decade and had raised over 20 children. They were famous celebreties, like apartment neighbor Mary Tylor Moore and Woody Allen across the street.

Someone (who has never been named) complained about the bits of debris and pidgeon carcases that occasionally fell from the nest and, the building manager, hoping to avoid any problems with the rent payer, tore the nest down and removed the pidgeon spikes, which would prevent the nest from being rebuilt. Of course, without the pidgeon spikes, the pidgeons would return to roost on the ledge eventually. I suppose he thought by then the Hawks would have moved somewhere else and become someone else's problem.

Well, he had problems of his own. There was a tremendous outcry. Over the weeks as Pale Male and Lola made futile attempts to rebuild their home, hawk watchers and nature lovers lobyed to have the nesting site restored. The Audubon Society, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, The New York Times and thousands of vigil sitters converged on the cause of returning Pale Male to his home.

As a resident of the less urbanized Pittsburgh area, hawks are a common site. Nature isn't so far removed as the suburbs have deer in the yards, hawks in the sky, turkey in city parks and we even had a bear come through the area a few years back. I can only imagine the horror of a city dweller, encircled by glass and concrete, suddenly waking to find that the one piece of nature in his neighborhood was torn out overnight.

Our own urban pride is a nesting pair of Peregrine Falcons atop the Gulf Building downtown. (http://www.paconserve.org/pittfalcons/gulfvideo.htm) Unfortunately, their nest is not visible from the office windows where I work but I see them from time to time diving past the windows. A distinctive silouette caught for a moment out of the corner of the eye. I would be outraged if some pinhead decided to tear down their nesting box. I feel pangs when the Gulf Building decides to remove the webcam TV from their street-level window, even though they do so when the nest is empty and there's nothing to see.

Christmas Eve brought the best news. The spike were going back up and, if Pale Male and Lola hadn't already decided to move somewhere else, a new nesting platform would be waiting for them to move back to their home.

And it's our home, too. We need this connection to the rest of the world, to remind us that we are not the world's masters but its caretakers.

I was asked, "How would you feel having dead pidgeons falling on your doorstep?"

"Every time a pidgeon dies, an red-tail gets his wings."

Product Review: Sugoi Matrix Leg Warmers

Biking to work in the winter in Pittsburgh means it'll get cold. Typically, I've been using a lay of cotton long underwear under by bike shorts or, when the temperature gets down in the 20's, I'll throw a pair of BDUs over that.

Cotton Kills! That is the cry of all the outdoor pundits and, in some ways they are right. when cotton gets wet it rob your body of heat and you can have hypothermia problems. I wouldn't worry about this on a commute into work but the thing I am concerend with is bulk. For the afternoon commute home when the temperature has risen 20 degrees I have the the pants to carry home. It'd be more convenient to have something that would do the same job but pack smaller.

I had a coupon and so ordered the Sugoi Matrix Leg Warmers.

The description said that they would "add 10 degrees" so since I normall wear shorts down into the 30's I hoped they would be able to pretty much serve me for the winter. In all honesty, they did not perform as well as the cotton long underwear I got from K-mart for a couple of bucks. They did nothing to stop the wind and I think that, because they were so close to the skin they didn't allow a pocket of warm insulating air like the quilted cotton long underwear did.

With a 40 degree air temperature and rain I felt more comfortable with bare legs than I did with the so-called leg warmers.

And while they stayed up all right when riding, the gel edging around the top did not hold them up well when walking. Now I know why women wear garter belts for stockings.

I notice now that the "add 10 degrees" statement is gone from the description. One of the reviews on the site says "Ok for temps 50-65 degrees". I'm sorry, but at those temps I'm still wearing shorts. If they don't do me any good in the 30 to 40 degree range they just aren't worth it. I'm just glad the coupon paid for it and I didn't throw my money away.

I'll grade the Sugoi Leg Warmers with a "D".

Scammer

I received a call this morning from John Manuel who claimed to be from UBS asking to be transferred to 800-444-5656. I said that I could not do that as it is against company policy. He asked to be transferred to the Data Center. I again refused, saying that it was against company policy. He asked "Why" and I reiterated that it was against company policy.

Then he said something like "company policy" but slightly different, as if he had misunderstood what I had said. I repeated "company policy" and he again "misheard". He then started cursing and swearing at me, calling me a motherfucker and a nigger, saying that that in a way that made me think he knew it was an insult but didn't know that it was racially specific. He laughed as he amused himself with his insults of me. Eventually he tired of my silence and put me on hold. I hung up after that.

Of course, this John Manuel person doesn't really work for UBS. This is apparently some sort of scam where the caller eventually gets the access to dial the number himself and uses a flaw in the system to make a long distance call for free. Look at the Snopes website (http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/scams/jailcall.htm) to see how this is supposed to work.

So, here is more ID10T action. . . . This is the same guy; I recognize his voice and accent. He keeps using the same name and company, making it very easy for word to get around The Bank and The Help Desk to be on the look out. He keeps calling The Bank even though he's being stopped regularly. And even when he is transferred (under the watchful eye of Corporate Security) and tracked, he is unable to complete his call. This has been going on for weeks and I can only imagine that he keeps trying because he is more often successful than not.

I wonder how entertaining it would be to transfer him the FBI.

Apology

I came in this morning to a waiting e-mail from D*****, sent to my work e-mail box Sunday afternoon.

There are times when people say things that are insensitive, arrogant, and obnoxious without thinking about the impact their words may have on an individual. We all can probably remember words that we have used to insult, humiliate, embarrass, or offend a person but never really gave any special thought to it. I can truthfully say that it can happen to anyone. When that happens, it's only fair for one to apologize to those that may be affected. I accidentally sent an Epop to entire Help Desk with inappropriate words directed toward you. Although the intent was to be humorous, the words were still inappropriate for an electronic format. I apologize for sending such a message.

This "apology", which seems to me long on excuses and short on actual regret, was carbon copied to everyone at the Help Desk. At least he made a public apology for my public humiliation but it wasn't a very good one. "There are times when people. . . ", "We can all. . . ", ". . . it's only fair for one. . . " In all of these, he's not taking responsibility for what he did. He's not saying that he was "insensitive, arrogant, and obnoxious", he saying that "people" do this. Then he says "I accidentally sent. . . " as if his mistake was in sending it to everyone.

I was not satisfied.

Later in the morning, D***** stopped by my cubicle on his way to have a smoke. I was on a call and did not want to interrupt it to hear his abbreviated apology so eventually he tired of loitering and said he would talk to me later. I suspected that D***** had been talked to by management because I don't think he would initiate a verbal, one-on-one apology on his own initiative.

Immediately after the call, I went to speak with the Help Desk Manager. He told me that Corporate had been told about this and they were taking it very seriously. He said that D***** "had a lot of work ahead of him to show that he's not tat kind of Team Lead." Both the written and verbal apologies were part of that "work."

The rest of the morning and the bulk of the afternoon had plenty of opportunities for D***** to get up from his desk and come over to me. He did not. Apparently he thought the apology was important enough for him to stop by and deliver on his way somewhere else but not so important as to make a special trip. That sort of attention to the issue makes me wonder if he's learned his lesson.

Just before D***** was to leave for the day, he finally came over and asked if I had received the e-mail he had sent. "I just wanted to say I was sorry. It wasn't ment to be offensive but it obviously was"

"This is not about remorse or forgiveness," I said. "This is about respect and responsibility. No doubt, Corporate HR has some plan for you but let me tell you how this will work with me. If you ever want to talk to me or about me concerning policy, procedure or the cost of tea in China, you will go to the Help Desk Manager. Do not approach me in the hallway. Do not hover by my cubicle. Everything goes through Management"

D***** said that he thought he should have stayed away but that he felt he had to apologize in person. Liar. He wouldn't have come over if he hadn't been required to by HR. I'm not even sure he would have e-mailed the apology, such as it was, without being impelled by HR's authority.

Oh, he's on the fast track to redemption.

Something stinks.

I was up at my Function Desk to talk with them concerning an update on a ticket. After that, I took a few steps to stand at A**'s cubicle to talk to him about some random piece of news.

*bing*

While I was standing there, a message popped up on everyone's screen, distributed by e-pop, and application like Instant Messenger that we user internally to communicate at the Help Desk. It said:

"What's that smell??? Oh I'm sorry Geis, I didn't see you standing there."

A few Analysts looked around asking "Who sent that?" but I had a sneaking suspicion which was not difficult to confirm. The sender's login id was clearly visible on the FROM line of the popup.

Now, D***** and I have had words before. Usually it has been over some sort of dispute over policies or procedures. D***** is a Team Lead but he's not my Team Lead. That doesn't keep him out of my business, though. Well, arguements over policies or procedures are one thing (within his purvue) but during one such conversation he said that my oposition to a certain procedure was just "Geis being Geis."

Since then I have tried very hard NOT to believe that he has something personal against me, that this was merely a clash of personalities. I kept telling myself that he was just a bad manager. D***** has on previous occasions misspoken and subsequently been spoken to by Management about it but this. . . .this sort of statement is almost unimaginably inappropriate. It would be bad enough coming from anyone on a "public" forum but to come from a Team Lead is beyond my ability to write off as merely a personality conflict.

And only half an how later I was scheduled for a "Career Development" meeting with the HR Rep and my Team Lead. I wrot this incident up in a formalized letter to present during my meeting. My hands were shaking with so much anger that I couldn't even sign the document.

I could see the disbelief on their faces as they read what had happened. Yes, something would be done about this at the management level. . . just not right now. Through a quirk of scheduling, the Help Desk Manager was off today. And while he will be back tomorrow, the HR Rep will be out, as will I. This may need to wait until Monday to be resolved.

And what would be an acceptable resolution? This sort of agregious statement could get him fired. As the last straw in a hay bail of missteps he should not be a Team Lead. At the very least, I want the record of this incident, including the screen shot of the statement itself, to end up in his personnel folder. I can't imagine what they would do beyond that, given the way things like this have been dealt with in the past.

I have a tight knot right between my shoulderblades.

My functional motivation motivates others to function.

Employees of The Bank are apparently encouraged to add "Leadership Statements" to their e-mail signatures. Here is a sampling:


"My Leadership Causes Success Through Teamwork and the Success of Each Member"

"My Leadership Causes a Comfortable Work Environment"

"My leadership makes potential become reality"

"My leadership causes hard work and determination in myself and others!"

"My leadership accelerates consensus!"

"My leadership creates results through accountability."

"My leadership is the catalyst for inspiring compassion, integrity and excellence in others."

My first thought was to add comments to each of these but to be honest, I can't think of any snide ridicule that I could heap on these statements any worse than the statements themselves. I suppose they could be forgiven for bad grammar since no one is proofreading their work, but what are these people thinking? Is this what they really believe leadership is about?

And The Bank is no better. Even though these following statements were surely built by committees, these mission statements posted on signage around the offices really aren't much better:


"We challenge reality to accomplish the impossible."

"Utilizing the power of diversity and imagination, we conquer boundaries, redefining tomorrow."


Oh, the pain! You can read those statements over and over again and still not derive any meaning from them. It may be naive of me to believe that a mission statement should actually be a statement of the department or business's mission , but is that the way it's supposed to be? If it had meaning then the managers would be actually held accountable if they didn't measure up. Do they come up with that crap specifically to avoid that sort of responsibility or do they really believe that the employees are too stupid to realize it meaninglessness?

ID10T Webcomic Number 2

Panel 1:
Close up view of Protagonist's hands, pulling on a pair of hi-tech gloves. The narration box says, "Essential Reality P5 Virtual Reality Gloves: $80."

Panel 2:
View of Protagonist's ear as a headset is placed. The narration box says, "GN Netcom 9120 Wireless Headset: $300."

Panel 3:
View of the Protagonist as he places a pair of goggles on. The narration box says, "I-Glasses PCHR Head Mounted Display: $900."

Panel 4 (tripple wide, below the first three):
The narration box at the top of the panel says, "Casual Fridays at the Help Desk . . . " The Protagonist is seen wearing all his equipment and only a pair of shorts lying on a lawn chair in his cubicle. A bank of sun lamps on a tripod is on his desk above his workstation. His voice bubble has him speaking; ". . . You now need to enter a new password, 5 to 8 characters long . . ." The Boss is standing beside the cubicle with his hands on his hips. His voice bubble has him speaking; "Geis, when you're done I want to see you in my office." The narration box at the bottom of the panel says, "Priceless."

So-called Cost of Living

Open enrollment in the health plan of our new Corporate Overlords started today. I went through all the menus and chose the minimum coverage partially because I stay away from doctor's offices anyway but mostly because of my stagnant pay. At the end it calculated how much this new plan was going to cost me and it turns out that my health care costs will increase by just about the same amount as my "cost of living" pay increase after my last performance appraisal.

So, my relative pay continues to drop.

Holiday Screwge

This tale of woe requires a little lead in to understand all the players. First, wer are the Help Desk. The Help Desk works for The Bank but we are not employees of The Bank, we are part of an IT service company that I will refer to as The Company.

Back in May we learned that The Company was being purchased by another IT services company. That company will hereafter be referred to as The Corporate Overlords.

So, now it's Thanksgiving. I was a little late in asking for the Friday after Thanksgiving off so that I could join the family get-together at my sister's in Maryland but I did get the day off. We at the Help Desk were told that The Corporate Overlords recognized the Friday after Thanksgiving as a company holiday for which we would be entitled to holiday pay. Swell! Since I was taking the day off, I duitifly filled out the PTO form.

Today we had some rolling meetings as groups of Help Desk staff were called into the break room to meat with the Help Desk Manager and HR Rep. We were told that the manager was mistaken. HeThe Corporate Overlords and the Analysts that work for them get the Friday after Thanksgiving as a paid holiday but here at The Company, there is still a separation between Analysts and Managers. That separation means that we would not be getting holiday pay for the Friday after Thanksgiving.

The way he phrased it, it sounded like he and the HR Rep (managers) would be receiving pay for that day.

Since I had filled out a PTO form, I figured I was still going to get paid, it was just going to be coming out of my pool of PTO hours instead of being a holiday bonus. I wasn't particularly pleased with that but I have a lot of PTO built up and don't spend it in big chunks (taking a day here and there instead of taking a full week vacation) so it wasn't going to be a big hit.

Except that, because The Manager though it was going to be covered by The Corporate Overlord's holiday pay, they didn't submit my PTO request.

*WHAM* I'm out a day's pay.

I am told that I can re-submit my PTO request and it will be honored but the paycheck I get next week is going to be out a day.

Hmmm, let's see what's going on at Monster.com this afternoon.

New Directions

I have noticed an unpleasant habit for The Bank's web designers. When they develop a new Intranet website to replace an old site they simply create a new URL. In yesterday's update, they apparently sent an e-mail about this change to SOME users. Users that did not receive this e-mail were getting a number of error messages trying to get into the old site. After a few hours of fielding these calls and opening tickets because we didn't know what was going on, we finally received a copy of the new instruction and new URL.

This happens all the time and our call volume spikes because of it. Sure, they often send out an e-mail warning people about the change but many do not read it. A simple solution would be a redirect at the old page that takes people to the new page or, at the very least, has a message saying that the procedure or URL has changed and providing users with the new information.

It's not hard.

<meta http-equiv="refresh" content="0; URL=http://new address">

See? It's pretty much that easy.

In another example, there are a number of web-based applications that use a single password. There is a database within Lotus Notes that allows users to reset this password. Users who are having problems with their password is directed to this database but, of course, they are not told how to get this database if they don't already have it, prompting them to call the Help Desk.

It would be so simple to add a link to this page that would add this database automatically or to have the instructions there. But, no. They say "Call the Help Desk" and we get scores of calls every day for an issue that users could take care of themselves if only they were provided with the information.

ID10T Webcomic Number 1

If I had any sort of artistic talent, I'd try to boil some of my life here at the Help Desk into four panels and try to publish a webcomic. Well, it probably wouldn't go for very long but there are a few incidents and ideas that would be worthy of such a treatment. If you've read my previous posts, you probably have already seen them.

But, I will not be deterred by my own artistic ineptitude. What follows is a text version of what would be my first attempt at a webcomic.

Panel 1:
Close up view of a Help Desk workstation. The Protagonist's hands are seen installing an access point on the telephone. A box is seen labeled "Wireless Headset."

Panel 2:
The Protagonist, wearing his wireless headset, is standing at the copier. The voice bubble has him speaking "Corporate helpdesk, this is Geis. How can I help you? . . . . "

Panel 3:
The Protagonist is in the break room, pouring some coffee. The voice bubble has him speaking; ". . . now, go to the lower right hand corner of the window and click on Office Network. Select Edit. When that comes up . . . ."

Panel 4:
You see the Protagonist's feet in a rest room stall. His pants are bunched around his ankles. The voice bubble through the door has him speaking; ". . . go to Start. Select Settings and then Printers. Do you see your printer listed there?. . ." The Boss is standing outside the restroom stall with his hands on his hips. His voice bubble has him speaking; "Geis, when you're done I want to see you in my office."

Here's Looking at You

On Tuesday, building maintenance went throughout the floor and pulled down all the security cameras watching the emergency stairwells and elevators and replaced them with new cameras.

On Wednesday, they pulled down all the new cameras and replaced them with the original cameras.

Then yesterday they pulled down those cameras (again) and replaced them with a third camera design.

Apparently they discovered that the scores of cameras they had bought were incompatible with the system they had and they had to get a different camera. One would think they would have tested the camera compatibility before buying a huge order for the whole building. And even after that, they installed at least one entire floor of cameras before discovering that none of them worked instead of checking to make sure that one worked before moving on to the other dozen.

Oh, yea. I feel my security being enhanced.

Webcomics as Job Performance Enhansement

Here at the Help Desk, our job performance is rated on a number of metrics. Things like First Call Resolution Rate, Average speed of Answer, Average Call Time, in all, 14 things are rated and we earn "points" for each metric we meet. The names of those who get 14 points each week and each month are put into a hat and one name is drawn to wil an incentive prize. Weekly incentive winners get 4 hours of Paid Time Off (granted without the Corporate central office knowing). Those who win the monthly incentive get taken out to lunch by the Manager in addition to the PTO. (He writes it off on his taxes as a business expense).

Most of the time, my stats are pretty good. I've always earned at least 12 points and often do better. The things I slip on are Average Talk Time and Availablility.

Availability is the most important metric. It's the one The Management is always whining about. It's the percentage of time that you are either on a call or waiting for a call. My availability wasn't bad, it just wasn't regularly quite enough to earn that 14th point.

That is, until Webcomics.

Some months ago, I started reading webcomics. Megatokyo, El Goonish Shive, It's Walky, College Roomies from Hell, Queen of Wands, Nukees, Wapsi Square, The Devil's Panties, Filthy Lies!, The Wotch, Questionable Content and Count Your Sheep. Typically, I discover a webcomic and then go back and start at the begining, catching up between calls. Some, like Megatokyo, I've gone through more than once (That can take days).

The unintended result is that rather than taking short breaks between calls to go to the vending machines or discuss the latest Megas XLR episode with a coworker, I'm sitting at the desk with my phone in the "ready" mode waiting for another call. My availability has gone almost as high as it can go and I am now earning the coveted 14 points nearly every week.

The days seems to go faster as well and, to be honest, I find that much more valuable than lunch with the boss.

One down

The news of the day is the "retirement" of John Ashcroft. An article in The Register summed it up quite well:

"His legacy includes boosterism of the so-called Patriot Act, a longstanding federal law-enforcement wish list of legal shortcuts that the atrocities of 11 September 2001 made it impossible for Congress to reject; covering the tits on a prominent bronze statue of Justice that always made him twitch; gleeful promotion of capital punishment; rounding up thousands of suspected terrorists, and failing to prosecute any of them successfully; advising the military that torture is fine so long as no one gets caught, and that the Geneva Conventions don't always apply; advising the federal bureaucracy that DoJ would help it fight any FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) request from nosy reporters; making a further mockery of the Act of Posse Comitatus by actively encouraging military outfits to participate in terror-related law enforcement; wildly overplaying his hand whenever some small-fry terror suspect like Jose Padilla popped up on the radar; warning the public that criticizing the so-called Patriot Act is an act of disloyalty verging on treason; inventing an arbitrary class of person called an "enemy combatant" so that writs of habeas corpus can be ignored at the government's convenience; prosecuting a crusade against pornography, apparently another deadly threat to US national security; and turning out the DoJ as a sort of "copyright 911" hotline so that the public might pay the bills of companies that wish to defend their intellectual property.

Clearly, he will be missed."


I wonder what caused such a stalwart support of Dubbya's agenda to leave the administration. A pang of conscience, perhaps? Probably not. More likely that he looked out of the world of domestic civil rights and, like Alexander, wept at having no more lands to conquer.

Holiday Snear

The Halloween costumes aren't even back in the closet yet and already the Christmas decorations are going up. Workers are stringing lights in the trees. The 20' tree is on the steps of the City Offices. The life-sized nativity is starting to go up at Steel Plaza. Barnes and Nobel has a table of Christmas books just in the store entrance.

I hate it.

I remember when the "holidays" began after Thanksgiving. That very national holiday is all but forgotten as the Christian majority and capitalist jackals rush to capture more and more of the public's attentions. Veteran's Day, Hanukah, the Winter Solstice and the opening day of whitetail season are also trampled.

So, for the next two months I will become increasingly Grinch-like as I am bombarded with Christian-capitalist messages and images. Carols will fill the public spaces. I will be shown just how much of a minority I am in this country that supposedly has "freedom of religion" as one of its core values.

Fifty-three days and counting.